Visitors after baby....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Visitors after baby....
12
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 11:31pm

 

Since I'm a FTM, I've never really experienced going through labor and then adjusting to a newborn and the sleepless nights that follow.. I do know, however, that I'm a private person and rather introverted, so having visitors in my house can be a bit exhausting for me unless it's my own family or a close friend. Most of my family live here, but DH is from southern California so his family is all down there.  I found out last week that my MIL is coming to stay, in her words, "2 weeks and probably longer" when the baby gets here. I'm ok with it because we have a great relationship and I know that she'll be a big help, but when I start think about it, I'm worried about having guests stay that long right after the birth.

 I also found out that my SIL is coming to stay with her youngest ( she'll be 9 months old or so) and then my other SIL will be flying in from Hawaii a few weeks after the birth with her girls. I love DH's family but part of me wishes that they all just lived closer so they could make smaller visits and I wouldn't be worrying about entertaining them or keeping my house clean enough. If this was my mom and sisters we were dealing with, I would just put them to work and not worry about it.  I'm technically still a newlywed though and haven't spent a significant enough time with them to feel really comfortable. Plus, DH's family tends to be a bit.. how should I put this...combative with each other? Anyway.. I'm dreading it and I wish I wasn't.  Part of me wishes it could just be me and DH for those first few weeks while we all get used to being a family, but then I feel selfish feeling that.

Any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 12:20pm

You guys have totally hit the nail on the head.  MIL would be completely heartbroken if we told her that she should wait to come.  She lives with my SIL and her family and is miserable there.  My BIL isn't very nice to her and she feels like a burden, so she's REALLY looking forward to coming up here once her sub teaching job is up after January.  

As for the SILs, I've been trying to hint to them that it might be better if they make a trip in the summer when the baby is older and they can bring their families and really enjoy their trip. We can take the boat out on the lake and spend quality time with each other. We're also planning on visiting them in April, so I'm not quite sure why it's so important for them to be here during the stressful birthing time.  As it is, I'm struggling with having to tell my own family that I don't want  a lot of people in the room when I deliver. I'm going to hopefully try to do everything natural and feel like I need some privacy in order to relax enough to make it happen. I'm horrible about being assertive though and tend to just go along with things in order to spare people from hurt feelings. I guess a long talk with DH is in order.. He's better at handling things with his fam than I am. Luckily he's the favorite and the most gentle, so people tend to respond well to him.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2010
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 1:26pm

My main problem with hospital visitors is the fact that I feel like crap, not to mention that I'm not exactly looking presentable, I'm in one of those ugly (but functional) hospital gowns with giant mesh granny panties on for heaven's sake & I usually had a boob out!  It just wasn't an ideal time for people to be parading in & out of my room, it's not like I could get up & go somewhere else either.  With my SO's best friend, I had just taken a shower while the nurses got my bed cleaned up with fresh sheets & such & had barely gotten my sore behind back in bed before they showed up.  I was SO uncomfortable!  And I wanted to hold my son - he had been in the NICU for an hour after delivery so I hadn't really had any time with him at all - and there they were scooping him up & hogging him.  I love these people, don't get me wrong, but at that moment in time, I wanted to scratch their eyes out & them toss their lifeless bodies out the window.  That's why I put the "law" in place this time that only my folks (his won't come up to visit so that's a non-issue), him & our son can be up in my room, end of story.

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