DH's family hates me =\

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
DH's family hates me =\
17
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 1:00am
His mother has been very vocal about her hatred for me, with no real reason except to say im a mistake and will ruin her sons life. His step dad is a loser who won't even look me on the eye and actual gets rude with me when I talk to DH's two year old brother. Some of his family is ok with me but I suspect that's only because they love my husband and respect that I am his wife and he wants it that way. That being said, I hate that as far as I know I have done nothing to this family and they hate me =\ I want to plan him a surprise birthday party in a few weeks and because his family won't talk to me it's almost impossible! And forget holiday dinner or anything =| she actually planned his little brothers party last week around my work schedule so I wouldn't be there! She's that pathetic and childish. Including publicly slamming me on Facebook in front of DH's friends! It's to the point where I don't know what to do about it anymore =\ I will never ask him to "pick sides" or anything like that but sometimes I wish he would stick up for me or something. I'm his wife for crying out loud! =\
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 10:38am

I'm glad to hear your husband is standing up for you. Meanwhile, with time, if you continue to have a good relationship, other people in his life will come around to your side.They will see their initial concerns were ill-founded.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 11:46am

So now when your husband is on your side, start building your  self confidence. There is a easy way, brainwash, you have been brain washed to be not good enough, but you can change that  by  telling your self you are.

Every morning and every night, when you are in the bathroom say to your self,  I love myself, I am great, I am the best and keep doing this and with in a year, you will belive this.  Oh and do it out  loud.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 9:54pm
Thank to you ladies. For the most part DH and I have not had any relationship problems. And I don't
Foresee there being anything huge on the horizon. So hopefully people will see that.

I know a lot of it is from being "brainwashed". But boy does that crap stick with you =\
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 9:41am

That is the  think with posetive brainwash, it sticks like glue and you are happpier for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 10:32pm

The problem here is your HUSBAND.

You should print this out and put it on your fridge:

You are being emotionally hurt and that is not okay. Chances are that the rest of the family is just following MIL's lead and/or hearing stories about you behind your back. Your DH needs to put this woman in check. It's up to HIM to defend you and protect - even from his own mother. Anything else is unacceptable. If it comes to the point that he needs to cut off all contact with her, then that his what he needs to do. She needs to understand that you are FIRST in your DH's life. That he chose you and that is HIS decision, not hers. Unless her opinion is asked for - she should have nothing to say about it. If anyone makes a rude or negative comment about you in his presence, he should defend just like he would to strangers.

I had a problem with my MIL too. I told my DH that I would not marry him unless he put me first. The situation escalated (his mother tried to "fight" - which just showed her immaturity) to the point that DH had to cut off all contact with his parents. She called ME 3 days later and said, "We'll never get along but I don't want to lose my son." So she decided to play nice. Of course, she made jabs at me during her speech at our wedding...but they were not overtly rude or inappropriate.

The thing you have to realize is that if children are involved here, they are going to SEE & HEAR their grandmother (who they are going to be told to love/respect/obey) speaking ill of their mother!!! What a dysfunctional and confusing situation to put children into! That is why this has to be nipped in the bud!

GL,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2012
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 9:03pm
Ouch! Sounds like a tough situation, but you and hubby definitely need to get on the same page! My inlaws don't like me (married into a family of ALL women who only like each other!) but they are at least subtle! Good luck.

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