Not settling

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2011
Not settling
1
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 3:20am
So my ex and I separated officially in April...had been in the works since October (a year ago). I have been going to therapy to 'work on my issues'. My therapist has officially given me the A OK to begin dating again...however nothing serious until probably April. Since I have been single (officially April) I have made about 100 new friends...tried all kinds of new sports and activities, read books, purged my home, learned how to mow my lawn, just learned how to be happy. I have realized that I am special and that I deserve someone who respects me and appreciates my qualities and does not settle for me either. I have know this (we'll say friend for now) for about 5 years...we are in a civic group together...have socialized outside work with other organizations we have in common, he is a politician (I know! LOL) and signed a book once when I toured the capital with another organization. So we have known each other for a while and have connected in passing. Well in July he sent me an email stating he would like to get to know me better. He has been divorced for about 2 years now. So I agreed that I would be open to socializing with him, afterall we have known each other for 5 years. Since our schedules are crazy we went to lunch about a month later. He said it was enjoyable and leaned into kiss me and I turned and let him kiss me on the cheek. So a week or so later, my best friend and he are also friends and she texted him, 'lets all three go to lunch'...he said yes and we all went. We hugged after that, no kiss. Awkward with her there. He said he was intrigued by me and wanted to meet up again. Well my schedule is nuts, his schedule is nuts. But he texts me about 3-4 times a week first thing in the AM like, "Good morning Beautiful, Hope you have a great day". Then he started texting me at lunch, "Hope you are having a great day!" After the normal you too texts and getting nothing back other than the texts every few days, I figured I would engage him a little more. I started kinda flirting with him, and he responded favorable. Respectfully and very flirtatious. So I asked if I had to schedule time with him via his secretary and he responded NOOOOOO! :smileyhappy: So we made plans to have lunch again the following week. Here is where I am now: The time for our lunch comes and he doesnt text, come by or call. So I text him, "Did you forget about me?" He texted back Oh Hell! :smileysad: I am so sorry, I was so sidetracked this weekend I forgot. Come meet him at the restaurant. So I went and he aplogized profusely. We kissed on the lips not a french kiss though. Again this is the third time we have had lunch, never a dinner date. He has paid all three times and about 3 months have passed since his first I want to get to know you email. At our last lunch he said he wants to take me to dinner when he is back from his overseas trip which is 3 weeks! Also, after that lunch he texted me at dinner, which is a first, "Did you have a good day?I am enjoying listening to the rain!" I thought that was sweet. Then the day he left for his trip he texted me the longest text to date, something like this but way longer: GM Beautiful. Looking forward to catching up with you when I return. I will have internet periodically so email or facebook me please! :smileyhappy: He asked me to email or facebook him with Please and exclamation mark and smiley face. So couple quetions: 1- you think my therapist is right, I am ok to date. He says I dont have to continue therapy as I am doing exception with everthing and says a girls gotta have a little fun! 2- You think this guy is sincere? I mean the whole lunch 3 times (ok 1 was my GF idea) and the fact that he 'forgot' about me! Makes me nervious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 11:21am

If your therapist feels that you are ok to date & you don't need more therapy & you feel it's ok to date, then date!  You could always make another appt. w/ your therapist if you need to.  As far as this guy it's hard to tell what he wants.  You say he's very busy so maybe he only wants occasional dates, maybe he wants more--you just have to get to know him better to find out.