What's your story?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
What's your story?
20
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 3:17pm

So, I'm still new to the board and little by little I've begun to understand peoples' stories, but I'd really love it if we had a thread where people who wanted could share as much or as little of their story... I think it's interesting and also helpful when reading each others' posts.

I'll kick it off:

I'm married to a good guy and we have kids. I am actively in an A with a MM who also has kids. We met on AM 10 months ago and met first as friends... we got to know each other over 6 months and then crossed over in to an A 4 months ago. (This is his first A.) Neither of us had any plans to end our Ms when we first met, but that has slowly changed and I can say we both genuinely have fallen in love over the past 10 months. We have no plans and neither of us are in a rush, but it is something we're discussing and sorting through.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2012
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 5:13pm

Well I've been with a great woman that I love very much, but we're in a dead bedroom situation.  Zero love life, passion, play, etc..  It doesn't help that she's also gained a lot of weight since we've moved in together over the years.  So other than the physical side of things, I get along better with her than anyone else that I've ever met.  Don't get me wrong, even with the weight gain I still want to have sexy times with her, but more often than not I am shot down for one reason or another.  Yes I have talked to her - several times in fact.  So after a couple of years of being in what is essentially a sexless relationship with the woman I love, rather than leaving I've chosen to have simple, casual affairs on AM.  I'm very upfront about my situation with the women I've met and more often than not they are in the same predicament.  Unfortunately this article really struck home for me and what I'm dealing with.  Part of me feels that I'm being selfish for indulging on one aspect of a relationship - sex.  The other part of me feels that it's a very important piece that's being neglected.  So do I leave because I'm only 90% happy and 10% of my relationship absolutely sucks?  If I didn't have my running during the day and drinking during the night, I'm not sure how I'd cope.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 6:55pm
I am married to a wonderful h for 10 years and been together for 12. H has always been an alcoholic. About 7 years ago h took a job far away and his drinking got out of control. I felt alone with our child and neglected. H and I have talked about this. I met ap when I started a job shortly after it started. it came out of left field. He is single, same age, interests...well, one thing led to another and we were on and off for 3 years. Until d day. Being confronted and having to hash it all off. I had 3 long years of no trust and lockdown. One day I was thinking of ap and emailed a simple hi. 3 months later and it's another a. ((sigh)) you would think I would learn. Smh

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 6:57pm
Pink~ no judging here.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 7:33pm

I joined MAS about 2.5 years ago when my first A started.  We worked together in a way.  We hit it off.  Things with H weren't great at the time.  Things with his SO weren't great either.  We had an A for about 5 months before he had a semi DDay.  They broke up, H and I separated about 2 months later.  AP and I dated, tried to make a go of it but we just weren't on the same page.  We ended up breaking up for good in December of last year.  We still talk occassionally.  Last month he came back telling me he missed me and wanted me back.  I said no.

Second AP and I met last January, I was single.  When we met I didn't realize he had a SO.  We talked, it didn't come up until about 5 weeks into talking, a week later his SO moved out and 2 weeks after that she moved back in and wanted to fix things.  DD and his DD were friends, now are bff's.  When I found out she moved back in I stuck around for about 4 more weeks and then bolted.  I didn't want the ups and downs of an A again.  But I couldn't stay away and neither could he.  We had minimal contact through the spring and in May things heated up.  We started going places together, having sex, the whole nine yards.  About 3 weeks ago I told him I couldn't keep doing this.  He had some decisions to make.  He ended up talking to her, he moved out of their house, they were deciding what to do with the house, working those things out.  Thought about trying to make it work again - he felt he needed to do so for the kids, stability, the right thing to do.  I told him I was done.  Don't bother talking to me unless it had something to do with the girls.  That was at noon one day.  That night at 9 he was in my bedroom - ended things for good with her, they are putting the house on the market, figuring out visitation, she moved to her parents, he moved to his parents until they get the house sold, yada, yada, yada.  At this point I'm almost waiting for the other shoe to drop.  He wants to break it to the kids.  I'm a bit apprehensive, but we are discussing it.  We have discussed in great detail the trials and tribulations of how this is going to work.  His parents know about me - infact his mom knows what was going on & has thanked me for making her son happy again.  His relationship with the SO was over a long time before I came into the picture.  They both admit it - both were staying because it was comfortable.  So here we are.  Dating - in real life.  Talking about kids meeting, what the future holds, but being careful.  

Somedays I wonder how I got so lucky to be in a real life relationship with both my APs.  The first one - it never would have worked.  And looking back there were flags telling me just that all along - but I was going through a divorce, moving cross country I needed that support system.  It is always said on this board if they don't leave with in the first 6 months they won't leave.  AP 1 & I were at about the 5 month mark when things really progressed.  With AP 2  We were again almost to the 5 month mark.  With this AP I see it working, but I have grown a lot, I know what I want from life, I know what is important and what I will and won't put up with.  I've been VERY upfront with AP2.  So here we are, embarking on this journey we call life.

Affairs are hard.  No doubt about it.  The highs, the lows, the turmoil.  Its unbearable at times.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 8:16pm
I was engaged and once the rock was on my finger my then fiance found it repulsive to be intimate with me. After a while I decided to get my physical gratification elsewhere. Sex with AP was of course awesome & I broke off my engagement after issuing my then F an ultimatum.

I also ended my A because we sort of had a DDay & AP's W was watching him like a hawk. A week into NC, AP showed up at my door step saying his M was over. 

Though things have not been so rosy for us since then, we're taking things one day at a time. I'm just glad to have AP by my side through it all. He is a very special person to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2012
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 9:45pm
Marital problems for number of years. Felt like i lived with a teenage roommate that i had to pick up after. Had an affair with a friend. Had a dday. Tried breaking off A numerous times. Always came back together. MC for a year. Now getting a divorce. AP planning to separate from wife and divorce as well. However i do realize that does not always work out. But he is aleady making pretty detailed plans so only time will tell. Im very very in love with AP. Either way i dont regret the divorce. With or without AP it is the right thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2012
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 11:15pm
Been friends with AP for nearly 30 years and never thought I'd fall in love with him. We've been together nearly 6 years. Both in comfortable, passionless marriages. Started out as curiosity and fantasies and progressed into affair then to being in love. Neither of us plan on leaving our spouses but do discuss what it would be like being together. Just neither want to hurt our family. Love him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 11:26pm

I was in an A for 6 yrs.  We met through work, decided on a short fling, and neither of us had the will or brains to end it early on!  I'm single, and AP has been with SO almost 20 yrs.  They don't have a sex life or show affection, she is very controlling & everything is done her way.  I've said here before that I wonder if he's addicted to trying to please her.  As unhappy as I know he is, I guess the comfort he feels with their outward appearances, families & friends is more attractive to him than leaving. 

AP & I have mutually broken it off several times, but it usually only last 2-4 days.  The last 2 yrs were so much better - we'd worked out a lot of the "kinks" in our R and were seeing each other nearly every day, interacting like a normal couple for the most part.  But in Aug, he ended it abruptly by phone.  He had rcv'd an anonymous call threatening what I guess would be a dday, but he also said he'd been thinking of ending it for a while - why, I'm still unclear.  He's been my closest friend, and I know he loves me as much as I love him - our connection was and still is physical, emotional, and itellectual.  We are in contact as friends, but I'm feeling more and more that he wants me to be there for him but not be there for me.  It's a very confusing and sad time. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 11:18am

Had an A during the end of first M.. I had a D, so did she, but we ended up going our separate ways..

Now in second (and final) M.. found AP in AM, oh, about four+ years ago.. we had our ups and downs, lived and survived the fog, close calls, drama.. the A slowly turned into a good friendship that still goes on..

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2008
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 11:53am

I mostly lurk, but here's my story..

I've been in an A for 5 and 1/2 years now.  AP and I met when we worked together, but didn't start A until he left the company.  We were both in long term marriages that were unfulfilling.  He left his wife over a year ago and I have been sitting on the fence since then.  Honestly, I never thought he would leave his wife, but he did after 4 years in this A.  I love him and have fun with him in bed and out.    I have been married for 28 years.  My husband and I handle the day to day stuff really well together.  There's just no passion and no intimacy. He's more like a roommate or a brother than a man I'm in love with.   I still have a daughter living at home and a son in college so I'm concerned about finances and living arrangements and worries about whether AP and I can make it as a couple. I know it's time for me to fish or cut bait and I'm stuck.

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