Introducing myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2000
Introducing myself
3
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 3:37pm

Hi, all *waving*! I just wanted to introduce myself and say how glad I am to find this board.

I'm a 40 year-old divorced mom of a 7 year-old daughter and a 9 year-old son, and I only realized a couple of years ago that I have probably had an anxiety disorder all my life. On the one hand, it explained so much, but on the other, it involves having an anxiety disorder. I don't have frequent panic attacks, but when I started having them, I didn't know what they were and thought I was losing my mind. Most of the time, it's more like a constant background hum of anxiety that makes it difficult to focus and stay calm at work and with my kids. I started taking Celexa, and it has really, really helped, but I'd love to get to a point where I don't need it, because I hate the side effects.

Anyway, I'm glad to be here, and as I read through the posts, I'm happy to find a supportive place to learn more about how to navigate this.

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 10:31pm

Welcome Kathh1.  I'm glad you found us too.

I'm 44, married 24 years, I have a 19 year old son.  I'm on Prozac.  I will always be on Prozac because without it I cry all the time and then I take to my bed and won't get up. 

I'm okay with taking a pill every day for the rest of my life because with it I have a life. 

I'm an oddly positive person in general which is totally baffling to my therapist. 

Ask any questions you like, if I don't know maybe someone else will. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2000
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 11:19pm

I had to giggle at your comment about your therapist. Mine finds me completely hysterical because I use humor as a coping/defense mechanism, so she's constantly having to check herself to make me discuss whatever I'm avoiding. Honestly, my fear was always that I would be bipolar, because my mother is (fun childhood), but all relevant mental health professionals say no. I couldn't decide whether I was in the depression category or the anxiety category for awhile, but eventually I realized that when I felt depressed or hopeless, it was because the anxiety was so painful. Though sometimes I did think I wanted to die; for the most part I just wanted to feel better (or failing that, take to my bed and not get out).

Here's what I really worry about. My son, who on my blog I call Tweak, so I'll use that name here, has some of the same tendencies. He's 9, and he gets very anxious and worked up when he feels like things are out of control - he's one of those kids whose mental development is way ahead, and his emotional development is way behind. In a way, it has been redemptive to realize that to help him, I have to get a handle on my own anxiety, but when I fail to do it I feel just awful.

I've been mostly OK of late, but my life is complicated, so I can't take anything for granted. In addition to being a single mom and having a full-time job, I was fortunate enough to fall in love again, but my boyfriend (I'll call him McDreamy - he's a doctor) is in the Navy, and he was recently rebilleted across the country. His children live in the town where he's now stationed, so it was 100% the right thing for him to relocate there, but I can't move out of my state because my children also need their father, who is here.. Absent some change of circumstances that I can't even visualize right now, McDreamy and I aren't going to live in the same zip code for many years. So that's its own challenge. I've made my focus taking care of myself and my children, and that's going well, but I really have to be vigilant about stress management and self-care.

Anyway, thanks for the welcome. I look forward to getting to know folks better!

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 7:01pm

Oh I so can relate to your and your son.  My son is a genius.  He went through a phase where he acted inappropriately.  He would stand too close to people and stuff like that.  It was just freaky.  He checked what he said.  I guided him and taught him the right things to do and say and now he is a perfect gentleman.  I swear there were days when I thought he would never learn.  My son is clinically depressed and has anxiety disorder.  He is not on meds.  He has learned to control it on his own.  He does yoga, he meditates and I think he has found a very supportive online group. 

I don't know how anyone does a long distance dating relationship.  I had to do the long distance relationship thing last year and it was tough.  I really like having my dh at home, most of the time anyway.  LOL. 

 

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