Can you PLS help re: this party/underage drinking situation??!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2012
Can you PLS help re: this party/underage drinking situation??!
27
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 3:52pm

HI- I am not a parent. I'm only 24 but have been a close mentor to a 16 year-old boy in the recent past. It's a complicated situation, but his parents don't talk to me and so I haven't actually spoken to the kid in a while either.

By happenstance, I saw a Facebook event that I clicked on, and it's a drinking party happening very soon. I noticed it's being held by a 19 year-old "friend" of the boy that I'm close to. The people attending it are all older teens, like 19+ AND then I noticed that my 16 year-old also checked off he's attending the party.

Here's the thing: the party description indicates they'll all be drinking and says anyone attending has to pay money towards the alcohol. The 16 year-old said he's attending based on this info, which leads me to believe that he's chipping in and planning to drink. The 19 year-old should know better than to have the 16 year-old at a party, but he simply does not. I know this bc of things that the 16 year-old told me in confidence back when we had contact with each other. It bothered me back then, but I had many talks with the 16 year-old and I thought he had learned his lesson.

But now, he clearly hasn't, and I'm really concerned of what could happen if he goes to this party with all older ppl and ends up drinking. I don't know if his parents know about the previous parties- I hope they would not allow him to go to this one if they knew what was really going to happen. I know it's not my place but I'm really worried. I just don't know how to tell them and actually make them listen to me. Like I said, if I tried to call or something, I fear they would just hang up without listening to me and seeing that I have a real legitimate concern due to an unrelated situation in the past.

Please help me with what to do. I also know that the 19 year-old has been in lots of trouble with the police for underage drinking before he was 19 and for lots of other things. I worry that if the police show up at this party, the 16 year-old will get into trouble, and obviously, his health and safety is my primary concern. Please help!!!! Thank you

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2012

Thank you for your suggestions. I had independently considered a lot of your points before posting- for instance, his mother is not on FB; his step-father is, but I don't know if he uses it frequently and the party is early this weekend, so it's really critical and I can't rely on him not checking his messages. Also, like I said, if he saw it was from me, he could disregard it.

I can't send a link bc I'm pretty sure that the privacy settings make the event viewable only to those who have a friend invited, and I can't report it bc the location is listed as undisclosed; you have to msg to find out where it is, so i can't report the party if i don't no where it's happening. :smileysad: So really, I need to somehow prevent this 16 y.o. kid from going to this party...

To address your first point, without getting into too much, basically, I was a volunteer at his school and started helping him with his schoolwork (and got his marks up a lot, which his mother did a ctually thank me for earlier in the year); then he started helping me after school taking pictures of the sports teams, which is another thing I did at the school. i gave him a lot of advice at this time when he confided some things in me. when i left the school, he & his best friend called me their 'big brother' and said they still wanted to see me. they said they wanted to take me to dinner to thank me for everything and the 16 y.o. in question suggested us going to a local attraction together. I made a note and sent it to them to get their parents' permission and his parents didn't want me continuing to see him outside of school. So they basically cut me off from him, despite everything that I did for him, which I did expecting nothing in return. He really is the closest I have to a little brother and that's why I still need to look out for him.

But I fear that his parents will just think I'm doing this to get to see him again, when really, the only thing I'm thinking about is his safety right now! And I can't break his confidence, but based on the other ppl that are attending the party, there are reasons y I really don't think he should be there, and things that he told me that happened at the last party he went to with this 19 year-old make me really concerned if he is in a situation with lots of alcohol and ppl who would be encouraging him to drink (lots). It's not a good situation for him to be in at all... :smileysad:

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Bless you for still trying to watch out for this young man. Not sure why his parents would cut you off if you've been a positive influence on their ds. If it was something you did perhaps you could start out by apologizing to them. If you are really concerned that they won't even listen to you at all is there any way you could send a message anonymously? Are they FB friends with their ds? If so perhaps you could send them a message to check his upcoming events. If not perhaps you could send them a link to the event. Not sure where you are but most local communities have either phone numbers or web sites where you can anonymously report upcoming underage drinking parties. That way they often get busted before things get out of hand. Sure, it might mean a call from the cops to the kid's parents but sometimes it takes a more extreme wake up call to get kids to pay attention. Good luck and keep us posted.
Pam

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