When do you ask these questions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2012
When do you ask these questions?
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 10:43pm

I am currently a 27 year old single female and I have a real fear that when I start a relationship I will ask sex questions at the wrong time. So when is it the right time to ask sex questions and how much is too much to share in these initial conversation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 10:59pm

What kind of sex questions are you talking about?  Do you mean:

when do you think it's a good time to have sex?

What kind of sex do you like?

What about birth control?

How often do you like to have sex?


I think we need to know what you are talking about before we can answer this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2012
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 11:04pm

Yeah those kind of questions. Plus maybe are you into .....? Whatever your dot may be. And especially like you said how often do you have it (sex drive)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 11:34pm


There are no hard and fast rules here--except let the man bring up the topic of sex first. Otherwise, you need to go with the flow. If he is a shy, conservative guy and hasn't even kissed you on the 3rd date, I would follow his lead and proceed slowly. If, however, on the first date, you and a man have a free-flowing conversation that has gone on for hours and he has made sexual comments that don't repulse you, then you can delve into the subject more. In any event, you want to follow the man's lead. Don't discuss sex until he has brought up the subject first and/or he tries to touch your private parts. However, it is okay to initiate greater detail on the matter once the subject has come up.

BTW, I like the name you chose for yourself. It's very titillating!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2011
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 4:10pm
Hi Girly!

This question is a great question! A lot of woman either bring up the topic too early or never at all.

I have 8 steps that i strictly follow. When it comes to WHEN to have sex, i believe it should be somewhere after the "exclusivity" talk. You want to make sure you are his priority and that this won't be just a one time thing. I usually advise to hold off a bit for sex until you both are committed.

Now.. on the question of when to bring up just the topic of sex, not the act, that can be handled a bit different. You don't want to bring up sex on the first date because I feel that can give off the wrong impression that all you are interested in is sex. If he starts to think that then a relationship is going to be very hard to get into.

I would advise not bringing it up till week three or four (AT LEAST) of a continuous hanging out.
Also, how often you see each other, and how comfortable you think he feels around you are two key factors in whether or not to bring up the topic of sex.

Hope that Helps! Let me know if you have any other questions!