This restless mind of mine..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2012
This restless mind of mine..
4
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 2:06am
So I'm coming down to my last weeks of pregnancy and I am falling apart. I have so many worries about the future. I just want to be the best mom I can be but all I do is stress!
This pregnancy was unplanned. We weren't even dating. He denied it at first and then he changed his mind. We were good for about a month. Then he told me he had a gf I thought no big deal it'll just be like a step parent thing. A week later he told me his gf was pregant. Then it all went bad. We barely talk. He acts concerned about my son occasionally but I just think it's out of guilt.I'm fine with being a single mom. I'm a strong person. But now I have to deal with the last name issue. Who's name should I give him? & Today he tells me that his gf might lose their baby. I don't know what to do! Should I let him be a part of my sons life now? Or should I continue to cut him out just in case he decides to disappear? Is it fair to my son to not have his dad in the picture? Will he understand when he's older or will he hate me? My dad wasn't a part of my life & I am fine with that bc I had a strong mother for a role model. But I know boys need that male figure. I'm scared to date now bc I don't want him to get attached to someone and be upset later when he learns that isn't his dad. I just want to make the right choices for him but I don't know how to go about this. :/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 2:18am
For the last name, if he's not involved give yours. Can always change it later, but if he stays gone you won't have to explain to your son his name. Don't purposefully cut him out but be cautious. If he acts right let him around and document it so if comes t court you have proof didn't withhold him. Your son won't hate for either way but you won't know if he'll disappear until he does. Male role models can be friends or family or a program when older.

My son is 15 months old now. He's in awe/obsessed with males. We go places and he talks to guys, wants males over females even me! He did this himself and I have male friends around. I've been dating for several months now. He hears their name, met a few, but nothing huge. Some have moved away and he's not noticed. So don't worry about dating/attached issues especially while small. Don't give the guy dad roles until he seems like he's a keeper and sticking around. Take it a day at a time. Just wait til diaper changes and potty training. Its hilarious lol!! Good luck.

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2012
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 2:35am
H e hasn't helped so far so I kind of don't think he deserves to be around but I'm too nice which is why we even text still. I feel like if it were the other way around i'd want to have a chance with my son. Do you ever feel bad for dating? Or guilty? I am not looking forward to potty training bc I feel clueless. People keep saying "aim for the cheerio" lol Does that actually work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 4:51pm
My sons dad has only text too. Only seen him once and wouldn't hold him because he "didn't know how to hold baby boys". Seriously is what he said. But the door is always open for him to step up. If not its his loss and we keep going forward.

I don't feel bad for dating. I am also a widow (been 3.5 years) so I know what it feels like to be loved and in love and I want to have that again and have my son see that so he knows how to be a good husband and father when he is older. I took about 9 months after he was born before I adventured out again (and found a sitter I trusted.. which is actual a good friend and we exchange baby sitting so saves money just an idea lol). Its also nice to get out of the house for a few hours a week to be Katie not just Zaydren's mom. Ya know?

As far as potty training, he actually is scared to stand and pee but sits lol. He also likes to poke it and pull it and laugh. Its hilarious. Hes still really young to potty train but he's interested so we do it. He's peed on me a few times since had to help him learn to point it down! ;-) He hates potty chairs so have rings on the potty's.

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my