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|Thu, 10-04-2012 - 10:43am|
My husband of three of years and I have recently seperated. I asked for it; I was extremely unhappy in our marriage.
There has never been any trust in our relationship, ever. He has had multiple emotional affairs, during the time we were dating, and again shortly after our wedding. All of the lying (that I know of) stopped a year ago. I still cannot bring myself to trust him. I am distant; even when he's there I feel lonely. I know exactly when I gave up and I have not been able to get it back. A year ago, I was sad about our life together; I really wanted to be happily married. I agree to see a therapist to get over my (warranted) trust issues. After a couple of sessions of my therapist telling me my concerns were normal and helping me to cope, I find out my husband was at a woman's home until three AM, a woman who is known for getting around. He was there with two other men, but that does not matter to me. He lied about going there, and that's the problem. A couple of weeks later he doesn't show up after work. I call him, worried, I call his work. Nothing. I finally get a hold of him and he tells me he was at the gym... turns out a week later he wasn't at a friends house. He will not say why he lied. So I threw my hands up. Here I was trying to work on trust issues that he created and I he's still lying. I put my walls up and have been miserable ever since.
So, here we are, a year later. I asked for a seperation because I cannot stand to be in this house anymore. I am so unhappy and so miserable and I feel as though he does not understand at all. Looking back, I shoudl never have married him. He asked because he didn't want to lose me, and I said yes because I didn't want to lose him. I beleive in love, I beleive in marriage, I beleive in happy... but I cannot find those things in this man.
The issue is that now he is different. He says he has never lied again, but to be honest I cannot confirm because i grew so tired of checking up on him that I stopped. He has been more loving and open, especially since the seperation. Basically, he is doing everything you would expect someone to do it they were trying to make you stay. It kills me. I hate hurting him; but I am so miserable in our marriage. We have a 2 year old son. I want him to grow up with a happy mommy, not a mommy who doesn't want to come home because daddy is there.
I'm proud that I have one foot out the door and have taken this step, but what now? He's finally being the person I've been asking him to be, but my walls are up so high that I do not care to see it. I guess I'm just tired of trying, I feel as though I made a mistake marrying him and instead of trying to make it work like I have for the last 3 years I want out. But I feel terribly guilty.
Has anyone been here before?? Did you stay or did you go?? Any advice is welcome.