Argh to Ugh

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Argh to Ugh
14
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 12:11pm
Thanks to my replies yesterday. He ended, I knew something wasn't right and it took some questions from me for him to admit it. Apparently it doesn't feel right anymore...he feels more guilty and uncomfortable as time goes on.

I felt strong this morning...until he emailed me to ask if I was alright. He asked me to spend lunch with him but didn't want to talk about it. As soon as lunch finished I went back to my desk, hid behind my screen and cried...and cried. How can he be so cold. When I asked how he was about it he just said "I'm fine". Thanks for that kick in the teeth, what I really needed today.

I just now don't know what expectations to have, he will not talk about it just said we need to move on. Ugh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
In reply to:
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 12:15pm
I'm sorry for your sadness Junerose and I can imagine your pain. I don't think it was a good idea for him to have asked you out for lunch after ending it. You need time away to take all this in and being in his presence will not help you or him "move on". I believe this is why EAS advocates NC-no contact so strongly because you will not be able to heal if you still have contact with him. It will hurt more and as you can see he proved it by saying "Im fine".
Hugs to you June and keep your head up. Wishing you all the best.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
In reply to:
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 1:06pm
Junerose, your has been a struggle since day one. I know this hurts but be thankful he has been honest with you. You can now move forward and close the door.

He won't talk about it because, he has already faced his internal struggles over it, he has made his mind up. In my mind by the time someone gets to the point of fully verbalizing it, you know there is nothing left to talk about. No he doesn't want to hurt you, but to end it there is no other way around it.

Accept the fact that he isn't stringing you along. That he respects you enough to be honest about it. It hurts, but the only way over it is through it. No more highs and lows, no more fence sitting.

Take this time and find you. Find your happiness in you. You were never going to fully find it in AP. My heart aches for you, be strong, you will come out in a better place down the road. Hugs to you
~Sunny~
Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
In reply to:
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 3:03pm

I am so sorry June!  BTDT!!!  Big ((hugs)) to you!!!  Take it one day at a time, and no lunches!!!  It will only cause more pain.  You m

 

 

At least he was not a coward and didn't string you along.  At least he discussed it with you.  And now, since he asked to move on, you should respect that and try NC.  Most difficult thing to do, especially when you work with him.  Been there also.  It can be done, even if you only sit a couple of feet away.  It will be long days of more crying and more anguish, but I promise  you it will get better, even if it doesn't feel like it will.

We are here for you whenever you need us!

 

 

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 3:21pm

I'm so sorry June.  I know exactly what sunny is saying.  When xAP ended it, he'd already accepted it, and there's no way for the 2 of you to be in the same place with letting go.  I understand why you had lunch with him, and I doubt that he's as fine as he's coming off to be.  He knows he's hurt you again.

Don't worry about how things will play out as friends or seeing him every day.  Things will unfold naturally, and you'll know how to handle them when they do.  You've been through a lot with this man and this is another "layer" added to your pain.  I know it's good to stay busy and not dwell on things, but at the same time, it's ok to just sit with your grief right now. 

Thinking of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
In reply to:
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 3:41pm
Junerose, remember it isn't about trying not to hurt or trying not to grieve or even about digesting your feelings. Right now it's about finding a way to find peace with the situation. About letting go of that which you can not control. About regaining your sense of self one moment at a time. The only way it is through it.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
In reply to:
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 10:05am
June, take it one day at a time, look forward and try not to analyse the why's. Like the other posters said, I would stop having lunches with him all together, it will only add to the pain.

(((hugs)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 8:15am

What Sire says about concentrating on the bad is a good thing for both of us to do!  Saying he hates you for doing this to him is pretty insensitive.  Yet it makes it hard knowing he's going through a hard time, too.  I'm always one to see both sides of things, and hearing xAP so down lately eats at me.  Not that it makes it easier, but if he has to do this, he should at least be happier without me.

Are you going to talk to him about NC or just not respond?  I really think it's a good idea; it's a rare chance for you to step back and not have your thoughts and feelings influenced by seeing him all the time.

You know I'm thinking of you!  I'll make a pact with you to focus on ourselves this weekend and let any thoughts of them come & go without holding on to them.  Baby steps is right.