Haven't found this topic about high libidos and withdrawals

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2012
Haven't found this topic about high libidos and withdrawals
22
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 1:04pm

Hello,

I am new here (just joined) and honestly have never been a part of a online/support community or blog. But after reading hours in this discussion board I felt it was where I belong. Before I get into my story, if it is to be told, I wanted to reach out and ask where there is a discussion regarding sex withdrawals when you end the A. I know this may be odd, or it may not be an issue for some but I have always had a high libido, ever since I went through puberty. And, like most A, that "fix" was satisfied in a very unique way. Can anyone help me with this topic? I am not a sexual deviant, I do not act on my impulses, but I a having true difficulty with this part ending with the rest. Any thoughts? 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2012

daddyslittlegirl

I would venture to say that many of the people on this board have high libidos or at least had them during the A.  "A" sex is highly charged and highly addictive because of many reasons:  it's taboo; it's often spontaneous, it's spur of the moment;  it's done in very unusual places and/or under unusual circumstances;  is risk taking; it does not include day to day responsibilities and much more.  Most people describe their A sex as very intense, at least for awhile.  So coming down from that level of excitement and stimulation is very hard at first.  The adrenaline rush just stops and there seems to be nothing to replace it.  In addition, as you mentioned, the addiction to the A is highly emotional and psychological, making it highly complex to undo, and the reason so many people also get help from qualified therapists when leaving an A.  I advise you to stay close to these boards and to seek counseling too.  I understand when you say your A included a M/s situation, a little different than the typical scenario but overall I think your withdrawal will be very similar to that experienced here by many.  I too am single, and with kids.  After my A was over I dabbled here and there (with unmarried people!) while I was still grieving the loss of exAP and the sex was never the same, but it was satisfactory let's say, and it moved me a little forward.  Then I entered a period of real emotional depression and lethargy as I fought to address the incredibly low self esteem I was still carrying from my childhood that had led me to an affair in the first place.  During this time, my infamous high libido fell off the cliff and landed with a thud.  I lost interest in sex for a long time.  Lately its been back but in a new, smarter body and mind.  I don't feel like jumping off any emotional cliffs anymore.  In fact I really don't feel like engaging with any cliffs at all when it comes to love and sex.  I care about my well being too much now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Opps just Reading - didn't mean to post :-)
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2012

Thanks I'll check it out

Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
You could also check out the Taboos board. If I remember right, there used to be a section there that dealt specifically with D/s relationships, though with the reorganization, they seem to have gotten rid of the folders.

Here is the link: http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Sex-Taboos/ct-p/iv-rltaboos

Check it out and see what you think. OH, and as far as the whole craigslist thing, that can happen on almost any board here (and does!) - but each community is generally pretty good at shutting it down.

I don't know if you want to check out the Mismatched Libidos board as well, just to see if that would be a source of support for you as well. That link is here:

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Mismatched-Libidos/ct-p/iv-rlclashing

And there is a specific folder for high libido support - so it may be worth checking out.

Hugs,

Kim

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

The post was only inappropriate in regards to the mention of finding another sex buddy to someone who's marital status was still unknown.  Had nothing to do with sexual interest.

My suggestion would be to take some time to heal from this relationship, focus on you and your family for a while. Once you are back on solid ground, you'll be more open to forging another relationship.

As far as your sexual interest, I'm sure you can find plenty of sites of singles into the same thing.  I just googled it...a lot came up.

((hugs))

Clarity

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2012

That's true, I am single, he was not. So I'm never trying for another MM, just being honest about my physical needs as well as emotional. I don't feel the post was inappropriate btw. I have viewed some of the other boards, funny thing is I'm still trying to find a sex board that relates appropriately for me.

1.) I am no longer ashamed of who I am sexually (and some women on the boards still are) so I don't want to intrude on their self realization.

2.) I'm not wanting the board as some I see are sorta liKe craigslist ads....I was disappointed at some posts on there "just looKing who is on here"....um, OK, there are sex sites for that. 

Be that as it may, the point is yes, I am single, I have a high libido, I am otherwise a shy professional 2 jobs mom with hardly any social life. I'm pretty sure that's why the MM was so delighted: AKA at his literal becK and call. It was very hard to open up sexually to others and not him....so we had a very unique sexual interaction (M/s) is the correct term for it. This particular type of interaction (M/s) can be dangerous in the wrong person, or you can be humilitated by what I call vanilla waffers. So I don't Know how to even embarK on this problem, as well as the loss of the emotional part of the A as well. 

sorry about the Ks, my Keyboard is messed up tonight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

The last thing we want to do on an ending an affair support board is encourage a married poster to find another sex buddy.  She did not mention if she was or wasn't.

Turns out, she is single and so yes, your suggestion is an option.  

Clarity

 


Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

Yes it is because it is an option.  Options and new ways of thinking not Politically Correct pablum.  Part of EAS is choosing options that work for the individual.  It does not need to be some "universal" rule but options that can be used or discarded as the poster wills.  The question of sexual satisfaction is important to the poster. 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2009

xxxs, do you really think it's appropriate on an Ending Your Affair Support board to ask a poster if the "A hit the sexual spot" and then tell her that  "Perhaps a new Bed buddy is in order!" ?

Actually, I'll answer that question - NO it's NOT.   

Pages