love vs sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
love vs sex
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 1:34pm

Hello all..

I am considering a relationship with a guy who is 19 yrs older than me. I am 42 and he is 61. Not a big deal to me at all except that my guy has had multiple heart attacks and is on medication that not only makes it almost impossible to get an erection, but he also cannot take viagra or anything like that. We have been close friends for 10 yrs and I do love him but I am afraid I will cheat on him because I love sex. It seems like he can give me everything I want in love and not the passionate sex that I also need. I get approached by guys in their 20's all the time because I do not look my age, and I find myself wanting to take them up on it. I didn't know my guy had this problem when we started seeing each other and I felt selfish at first, but sex is a major part of a relationship at any age and I just don't know what to do. I have not committed to being his girlfriend yet and I don't want to hurt him. We are, in every other way, compatible. Help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Sun, 02-23-2014 - 7:54pm
My sweetie has to use a clock ring sometimes. Also pumps work.... some insurance will cover this for ed. Check in to it and let us know :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2013
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 6:12pm

I am 46 and my wife is 24, she loves sex, me too! I love it once a week okay maybe a little less, my wife would have sex every day if she could. Our solution like someone in this thread suggested was we found her a lover. She meets him sometimes once a week but usually twice a month and they have sex all day. He is close to her age, safe, trust worthy etc.  They have crazy 20's something sex and my wife loves it and is very happy. Just a thought, works for us..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
In reply to: Bored17
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 3:23pm

Are you in love with him, or do you want him for his money? j/k lol

Either way if you like the guy tell him how you feel, or invite him for a date at the hospital. j/k again

Go to it. Good luck. Wink


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 3:11pm

Have you even told him how you feel? What's the point of having a relationship if you hide the important things? And of course this is at least the second important thing, isn't it? That makes it one of the important things.

Otherwise, you're hardly living. Trust people a little, why don't you? Tell him how you feel. He may not want you, in case you're totally free of the obligation to love him back. Tell him how you feel. He may say, "Well, good for you. Go to it! Just make sure you come home in time for dinner." Or he may be terribly hurt and wonder why he was ever born. That's okay, too. Deal with it instead of running away from your problems. 

I'm with "an older guy," too, quite often. It gets sometimes really weird, but that's okay. He's quite an adventure for me; he has incredible problems where his opinions about himself get in the way of me. At least that's what I see him doing. He can't believe I think he's really good-looking. 

And what you say about "looking younger" and getting propositioned all the time by baby guys in their 20's. Tell your older friend that. It might make him jealous or he might laugh. Dunno. Worth a try anyways. A good laugh is worth something... Anyway, I'd really think long and hard before I decided to hurt the feelings and possibly destroy the life of someone I loved...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 10:06am

Hi Kitten,

This is hard (no pun inteded :smileyhappy:)

(I'm posting because I'm going to be 42 next week, and have a crush on a 60 y old...)

On one hand, a relationship will not survive long term if either of the two people aren't happy with their sex life.

On the other hand, at 42 and 61, you know (penetrative) sex isn't be all and end all and there are ways around it.

Then again, it really is nice to sometimes just f, you know, not faff about with 'other things'. :smileyhappy:


I'm honestly just slightly lost here. I don't know what I would do in your situation.

There's got to be a way to, you know, make at 'half-mast' if need be.. ..:smileyhappy:.if not every time then at least every now and then haha.  I think you'd have to compromise, and accept that someone of that age and on medication won't be able to perform like a 20 or 30 y old.

If you really truly feel that you are very compatible, you could have a successful LTR and that you  are in love with him and love him then I'd say give it a go - and be prepared to compromise. To maybe settle for a bit less than what would be ideal amount of pen-ve sex for you.

I wish you all the best. .

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2012
In reply to: istarsol
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 4:09am
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 11:53am

Wow! Thank you for all of your responses!  I don't know how I would feel about that last one, to be honest. Call me old fashioned lol but I feel like I am a one man woman. I guess I have some things to think about.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
In reply to: misstrygg
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 7:17am

Am I nuts but  talk to the guy about this and maybe he wont mind you have a lover?

I have  2 friends, the woman cannot have sex,  it wont happened and that means no kids, but her husband adores her and she adores him they are the greatest couple we know. They been together for 20 years now and the problem as been there for  19 years and I asked them how they get it to work and they answered, he has a lover, he get the sex he needs  from that person but the love and passion from his wife and she doesnt have any pressure or worries in bed.

They have had  same lover for 14 years now and it works great for them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012
In reply to: swati88
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 5:02am
Well both have equal importance on their own.Time and situation needs both things in a relationship.!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 3:26am
Well that's love and life. We can't always have everything. But we can always make the best out of our unique situations right? All the best!