what did i do wrong

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2012
what did i do wrong
5
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 8:05am

I am 22 and the mother of a son lost to Trisomy 13 on Aug 1 2011 and a little girl that is 3 months old. My husband has changed since we lost our son and for awhile he would be gone all the time with (friends) till 2 to 5 am but he stopped for awhile. As of last night i told my husband my aunt was in acoma and they don't see her making it through the weekend. Now here i am at 5 am and he still is not home since he got out of school at 8 pm. He is made at me for texting him and calling him but when i called the first two time he let it ring...by the third and last call he ended the call. I don't know what to do....should i just pack up me and my baby and leave or should i try and work it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 10:28pm
Who knows, maybe he never got over her affair and is acting up because of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 4:29pm

Hi Peaceyma,  The OP posted a response to another poster stating that she had an A in the past.  I wonder how much of that factors into the H's behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 1:43pm

And why was he mad at you for texting or calling him? Now Im assuming here you werent calling him while he was in his class. You are his WIFE and you should be able to call/text him if you need him, especially since you have a 3 month old baby who could have gotten sick or something while he was gone and you my have needed him to come home and help you. He's acting like he's a single man with no obligations at home by staying out all nite. Personally I would not put up with my H staying out all nite and on top of that NOT answering my calls all nite. Sounds like he might be up to no good by the fact that he is avoiding your calls. Would he put up with you leaving him with the baby and staying out all nite? Totally inappropriate behavior for a MM, especially with a new baby at home. If he's now decided he doesn't want the responsibility of a wife and baby, he needs to man up and level with you so you can figure out what you need to do next. Personally if it were me, I would leave if this behavior continues. Just make sure you don't get pregnant again. I have a niece with 4 kids who's H is still (has been since the first baby) pulling this kind of behavior on her and he just recently left her for another woman, so now she's stuck raising and supporting (he hasn't worked for a few years) 4 kids on her own while he's out partying and living with another woman. I am very concerned about her and the kids and I don't want to see you end up in her shoes down the road. Oh and BTW you did nothing wrong as your post title says. HE is the one that has decided he wants to jump ship and avoid his responsibilities. I do hope for you and the baby that he will come around and realize his behavior could cost him his family. I really do wish you the best of luck with tis situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 11:24am

I'm very sorry for all the troubles that you are going through.  People react to the loss of a child in different ways.  For some people it brings them closer together, but it splits many couples up.  A lot of men also don't know how to deal with depression (if that is his problem) where women might be more apt to see a counselor or join a support group.  I think that you & your DH need to talk--ask him if he is interested in being married to you any more.  If he says yes, then you will have to agree on boundaries about him going out.  It's not appropriate for a married man w/ a little baby to be staying out all night partying--he should be home w/ his family.