Help I have run out of steam!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2012
Help I have run out of steam!
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 10:18am
My sd and ss are coming this afternoon and i feel sick at the thought of it.
Bm has been slating me all week and says sd hates me though she is alwys fine when here. I have been with their dad six years and we have our own daughter who is three.
I just keep thinking it is getting better and then bm starts again. Everything is always directed at me. She has just split with current boyfriend so we could have months of venum. Last weekend I took my sd out clothes shopping and we had a lovely time. I can understand sd cant tell bm she likes me but how do you find the energy to put up with the critism when you try your best? I have six years of vile behaviour from bm. I wouldnt mind but i have never said a bad word to her or about her to her children. I have only spoken to her three times!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 6:27pm

If things are fine at home between you and your SK's, I would ignore BM at this point!  Of course it's not easy and it's not nice to hear things about you being said when they are negative, but unless your SD is giving you a hard time or you feel like your SK's don't respect you...IMO I'd leave it alone and get on with life!

You also mentioned that things could be bad for awhile since BM has now split with her BF, so clearly she's likely hurting now and would like you to feel some of that too!  After all, you are happy w/her ex and that has to make her feel a tad bit jealous! :smileywink:

BTW, you didn't mention how you know BM is talking badly about you hear it from her or someone else?


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2012
Wed, 10-17-2012 - 1:13pm

I am a firm believer in setting not only physical boundaries, but also emotional ones. When you choose a situation like this one, you open a door for the emotional dysfunction that comes along with it. I agree with the sentiment of focusing on doing what you can handle for your children and for your step daughter. If Bio mom is having personal issues, and needing a pity party, she can only make you feel, how you LET her make you feel. Protect yourself and find peace in knowing that you are doing what you need and want to do for your family. Sounds like you've been giving your all with no credit or appreciation. That can definitely be draining! I wish you the best of luck in getting more steam. The kids ALWAYS know the truth. I promise you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 10:10am

I feel your pain, me and my DH are currently going through it too. I have set limits with BM by saying I'm happy with you having my cell phone number, but if it is going to be used to just start arguments then I will change my number. Between that and completely ignoring BM, is the best thing to do. I know with my SS BM if you react she ENJOYS it UGH! lol I hate drama, and I've learned to let the small things go. I could care less what she thinks of me, and you shouldn't care what yours Skids BM thinks of you. Your a great stepmom and giving them more stability than she can obviously give them. If shes anything like my SS's BM she has a new BF every 6 months to a year. She's jealous, you have a family unit thats strong, and she wants that.