What am I? Gay or bi?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2012
What am I? Gay or bi?
Fri, 10-05-2012 - 11:30pm

Hi.  I have two questions. 1, I have always been confused about my sexuality. I am 53. When I fantasize about the sex act, it's with a man, but only the sex itself. No kissing or affection. When the act is over, I fantasize about being with a woman, as far as kissing, and emotional intimacy. Does this mean I'm bi or gay? My second question is, what is it when you are emotionally, mentally, and initimacy-wise attracted to a person, but not physically attracted to them?


I became involved in an online relationship with another woman. It was intimate, and we fell in love. Long story short, it ended. Even though it was intimate emotionally, I was never really physically attracted to her. Is it possible to fall in love with someone and not be physically attracted? Has anyone else experienced this?




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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 6:32pm

You are just human.  That is all.  It is not uncommon to have these feelings.  IMO labels do not one bit of good as many sexual labels have political undertones.  It is your life, whomever you love / have sex with is your choice.  There is no reason for confusion.  Many people like sex with both sexes.  Many people like emotional intimacy with either sex.  Some like sex and emotional intimacy with either at the same or different times.  It just means you are human.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2011
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 2:30pm
Of course
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 11:04am

Yes, I think it is possible to fall in love and not be physically attracted, though the most common sort is first being attracted and then not-being but still feeling in love and even possessively so, too. It's happened to me twice with two different people. I don't believe it's so normal however, and cerainly not a situation to be desired. How could you think being on-line is "love" at all? It's just fantasy. There's got to be real flesh and blood and face-to-face living for you ever to get that involvement with another day to day that's love. Even really young people can be in deep love, but it's less strong over time because they don't live together... I'm not an expert at all, of course. Of the several relationships online I've had two were friendly fantasy and very fun but nothing else. They were interesting because everyone is so hugely different, but I wasn't "in love."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2014
Fri, 02-14-2014 - 2:43pm
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