So,so sad today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2007
So,so sad today.
9
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 12:13am

Went to a concert tonite by myself.  There were so many songs that reminded me of myXAP.  I drove home after the show. I cried all the way home.  I know that I should be over this BS with him.  I just felt so sad and alone.  I still can't believe that I can't get over this especially because he cheated on me with this girl I work with. He is still seeing her.  I have the need to tell her he is a player before he ruins her life- this girl is engaged to this guy who is so nice and has 2 kids from his previous marriage.  She should wake up before she loses everything for nothing.  I still can't believe he played me so bad.  I was a fool .  Why am I still crying over him??? I'm just hurting so deep today.  I need to be here for support.  I can't get thru this with out you guys. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2012
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 5:41am
Its very hard, we all go through it. I still am 5 months after it ended. My A took place mostly on business trips when we worked together. Now I still have to make those trips but alone now, every damn hotel has a memory and I always cry when I'm there. How many days/months is it since it ended for you? I still work with XAP & he went back to his wife, so I have a constant reminder. It's horrible, I went on anti depressants for a while & they helped stop the crying, they made me not care about all the bad stuff. My XAP has also had other affairs before & I dread that he might start sleezing on someone else at work at some point, though at the moment he's too worried about his W leaving him.

Even when we know in our heads that XAP is no good somehow our stupid feelings can't catch up. It makes me feel like I am some kind of total idiot/freak of nature but when I come to these boards I see that it's a human trait that many people feel too. I don't know how long it takes, longer than 5 months for me. Thinking of you
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 8:52am
C-girl. First of all know that you WILL be ok. The horrible pain lessens, but you can't will it away, you need to feel it and work through it. You are in one phase of the post-A life, and after this there are more. You won't be stuck here forever.

Don't contact that woman. Don't. It will make you l
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 8:59am
Sorry!! Finger jump.

Don't contact that woman. It will make you appear what your name says. SHE is not your problem. You really don't care about her, her kids ... you're just mad at him. I get it. Please work towards you as a focus. I know, we all know how hard it is.

Do you have a therapist? Can you seek other employment? Take control, make a plan, you'll feel your esteem grow enough to see some light.

Disconnect from the A. Ignore talk of him, her, delete them. This is about you now.

So tell us what you'll do!

Best wishes

Gypsy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 10:24am

C-G

I am sorry you feel so sad today.  It has to be really hard to see this all going on right in front of you...all the time.

Now I know you have a real itch to tell this woman, to save her from herself, but more often than not, when we really dig deep it is for revenge on him...for being dumped and rejected.  Like I have said to you many times and others have as well, do not do it.  She needs to learn her own lesson, and you will only interfere with that.  It's not your place. His business is no longer your business.  You could find yourself in real hot water if you spill his beans.

I'm glad you are here for support.  This Board works best by coming here daily and participating, dialoguing with others, supporting others in their struggle.  There's a saying in AA "We keep it by giving it away"...when we support others, we strength our own resolve as a result.  Even if you think that, as a newbie, you aren't strong enough or where you think you should be by now, you have much to offer...even if you assure someone that you are listening or can relate.  And reading is a big help towards recovery as well.  Have you read some of the threads in the Healing Library?  They, too, will fortify you and strengthen your resolve and give you some guidance and comfort.

Have you considered counseling?  A professional can help you delve into your core issues that are beyond our scope..and help guide and support you.

((hugs))

Clarity

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 1:11pm
C-G. How are you managing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2007
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 4:08pm

I got home last nite and couldn't sleep. I was up till 3am-thinking and crying.  Then this morning, I had a clearer thinking.  He really is a piece of garbage.  I just don't know how I can work with him everyday.  Its so complicated. I just have to focus on me. I am looking to see a therapist.  I already went to the Dr. for anti-depressants and tranquilizer.  That is just so sad.   

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 4:19pm
C-G. Are you M? Children?

Is your resume in order? Can you look for new employment?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2007
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 8:49am

I'm N, no kids.  The whole M thing is another whole story. Not good.  Unfixable.  I working on my resume but there are no jobs out there.  But I have to keep looking.  My whole life  is a complete mess.  This year Ive had so much tragedy and drama. Can't believe I'm surviving it. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 7:07pm
hope you are doing better...so sorry you were hurting. Proud of you for going alone to the concert. However, stay away from love songs and romantic flicks. Arm yourself well. In the healing library a few old vets wrote some awesome things to help us get thru those first couple of weeks of NC. Really good stuff.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida