New to the board(s). Not sure where I fit in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
New to the board(s). Not sure where I fit in.
3
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 1:36am

Hello everyone. I am new to the boards and have been reading for hours. I feel better already, but I'm just not sure which board fits me best. Here's a link to my incredibly long initial post if you're interested:

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/After-Your-Affair-Support/New-here-This-hurts/m-p/119752101/message-uid/119752101#U119752101

I haven't received very many responses to that post, but I do realize that lots of people don't care to read a post that long. I just had to get it all out there. Besides, it was THE BEST therapy. It was painful to reminisce, though.

Like everyone else who is here, I just need all the support I can get. I have found lots of great advice already, and I am so grateful.

It has been 3 weeks since I last saw/talked to my AP and 8 whole days since I attempted to contact him. I know 8 days doesn't sound like much, but it is truly a personal record. I miss him tremendously, but I realize that as long as he is out of the picture, my relationship with H gets closer and closer to what I want it to be.

I miss his friendship more than anything. We had a very strong emotional bond. It has been a year since we entered into a full-blown affair, almost two years since we started communicating on a regular basis as "friends." He abruptly ended contact with me on several occasions (see my initial post via the link), most recently three weeks ago. No explanation whatsoever. One day, I heard "I love you" more times than I could count, and the next, I heard nothing.

Now that I've made up my mind that it's finally over, I feel like a huge part of me is missing. I truly love this man, but I know I'm doing the right thing. It's just so hard because there wasn't an "end" that was agreed upon. It just stopped.

If he decides to contact me, what do I do? Do I just ignore him like he has me or do I respond to tell him to leave me alone? I really hate this. I was so stupid to let myself fall.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
welcome hope.....please stay and hang out with us. We sure could use ya...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

Welcome to EAS, Hope

Both Boards are perfectly fine places for you to post and get support...can't get enough support in our ending, that's for sure.

Now that you are in NC, have you blocked all avenues of communication?  This is to protect yourself.  He can't reach you and you can't reach out to him during weak moments.  NC is absolutely vital for your recovery.  It is the only absolute guarantee to put this affair behind you.  Similar to any addiction...want to stay sober...don't drink.

Now what you do during NC is what will determine how quickly you will heal.  The more effort you put into your healing, the quicker you will get there.  And not that we are looking for 'quick' because this will be a journey...your journey...it's not a sprint...it's going to take some time, but sitting around waiting to miraculously heal isn't going to get you there (not that you are doing that...just sayin').

Now, about that name of yours...I do like, and will refer to you as, Hope.  But, I'd like to see you re-join ivillage and chose a better name.  We don't want you reinforcing that you are in a hopeless.place every time you see it.  When we do that, our minds then have us acting accordingly.  You are not in a hopeless place in your life.  You have a whole life ahead of you, and by staying ended in your affair, you will live honestly and with integrity. 

Can you block those avenues of communication so you don't even have to concern yourself about his calling you and how you will respond?  That hover overhead takes up way to much of your energy when you need to focus it elsewhere...on your healing and doing whatever it takes to move forward and away.

((hugs))

Clarity