Missing my Bailei Girl...only been a few days...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2012
Missing my Bailei Girl...only been a few days...
Sat, 10-06-2012 - 9:43am

Hi!  I heard about this message board from Lin and am so thankful.  My beautiful 12 1/2 year old Chinese Shar Pei Bailei went to Rainbow's Bridge on Tuesday.  Although in my heart I know she is no longer in pain and healthy again playing with Bentley (who I lost almost 4 years ago), the pain I feel is just so unbearable.  I find it hard to stay asleep constantly waking up with the realization that she is no longer here.  I feel so alone in my home and am seriously thinking of just selling it but her memories are here so I'm torn on what to do.  All I keep saying to everyone is "I want my dog".  I'm not sure if and when the pain will ever subside but what could I do to get through the days without her? 

Thank you for letting me share my feelings with you. 



Community Leader
Registered: 04-19-2008

{{{^Bailei's^ Mom}}}  Welcome.  I'm so glad your sweet ^Bailei^ guided you find our little corner of the web.  {{{gentle hugs}}} 

Oh Valerie, I soooo understand your thoughts about selling your home.  When my ^Whisp^ crossed over, I couldn't bare being in his house, without him.  I would walk around the places he would lay, for fear of stepping on his spirit.  :smileysad:  Plus, I never - until the day the house was put on the market - cleaned his sweet nose prints off of my full length mirror.  They were what helped me feel like he was still with me. 

It wasn't until after I moved away, I realized he was still around me, following me where ever I was.  When I moved into my new place a few years ago .... a dragonfly (^Whisp's^ way of saying "hi mom") let me know he was still with me in my new home. 

So for now .... I'd suggest letting yourself "be".  Just "be", until your heart is ready to make any decisions.  Your precious ^Bailei^ (I still love the spelling of her name!) will always be with you, where ever you are.  {{{heart hugs}}}

Gosh, as far as "healing" (what ever that is) .... I'm sorry to say, it takes as long as it takes.  Try to remember that we grieve as deeply as we love.  {{{hugs}}}  So if you love with all your heart, you will grieve with all your heart.   Sadly, there isn't a day when you wake up and realize you're fine.  It's a long and painful process, where we slowly learn how to live again, without our beloved furangels (physically) by our sides.

I hope you'll be able to stay with us, and let us know how you are doing.  Please know that we will always be here for you, just as all our furangels are now with ^Bailei^ at the Rainbow Bridge.

With my heart,