Tired of budgeting - Vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Tired of budgeting - Vent
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 12:25pm

Ok, I can't really talk to anyone around me, so you guys get my vent.  Kick me to the curb if you want, I need to get some things out.


As the vets here know, I married my Dh and we are 2nd time arrounders.  I sold my big McMansion in 2006 before the big crash, but it was still a short sale for just the realtor fees.  Before that I always could make ends meet, saved for DD's college, retirement, had life insurance, etc.

Since I married DH, moved into his home (bachelor pad for 9 years) because it was in a better school district for the kids (my DD and his DS are just a year apart,) I just feel like my desires have been on permanent hold.  I saved for DD for her college and use that to pay her bills.  DH did not save for his son, or when he did, he made bad investments that he never looked at and he had $0, so we need over $500 a month to pay our DS's school. 

DH's house is now underwater, due to the fall of real estate in our area.  IT is a 1600 sq foot 3 bedroom, 2 bath home, with a small galley kitchen, the master bath is the main floor bath and you have to walk through it to our bedroom and the main room is small. 

Beyond that, the house needs major upgrading.  I did paint most of the house before I moved in (sages and tuscan gold colors), we put on a deck in 2008, and new carpet on stairs and living room in 2010.  Back room carpet is still bad (pet stains, so we are talking horrid bad), the kitchen needs the floors sanded and refinished, countertops and cupboards are ok (oak and formica) but a backsplash would add some life there, our master bath needs to be gutted, I redid the counter in the kids bath and our laundry room with simple low, cost changes.  Our driveway is caving in on one side, flower beds are now weed beds, and don't get me started on the basement junk heap and backyard disaster, let alone the messy garage.

I have worked two jobs most of the time we have been married and DH does have a stable 6 figure income.  I get about 35% of his gross pay for our household budget, the rest is health insurance, taxes, 401k savings, and his spending on gas, etc.  He does not spend much to his credit.

My recent job change to an independent has made my income less secure, but possibility for much higher income.  We do have emergency savings in place, as well as a term ahead saved for DS's college and the last of DD's 2 years put away. 

We are in the process of refinancing to a 15 year loan on our house at 3.375%, but it will escrow taxes and insurance, so we have to come up with savings for that at closing.  DH's credit is good because we have worked hard to pay off most of his debts except the house, and one small credit card.  Our house payment will be about $90 more a month, but should save us $65k in total interest in the 3 years and we will take 6 years off the loan (now 21 years left on his 30 year loan.)

We paid off a lot of debt so far, and my health payments for my gall bladder will be paid off this month, so we can pay for the extra on the house pretty easily. 

We also have a couple cabins for vacation/recreation.  One is the one DH had he bought in his 20s, he plans to sell to DS when he is old enough, the other we are purchasing from DH's parents and we will have that for the rest of our lives.  So we did not plan on buying the 2nd cabin a few years ago, now we are, which impacted my planning since late 2010, with a mortgage, taxes and insurance on that. 

Car insurance is insane at $2200 every six months, even though the kids have beaters.  Cell phones are $255, and I can deduct some for my business, but DD users hers to connect for school, and Dh needs data when he works remote.  We have shopped it and saved, but it is just insane.

We are getting carpet in the "sun room" this week for $325.  I would rather tile or something, but cheap berber it is.  DH won't consider my glass tile backspash in the kitchen (another $225 plus install ?) I know, I know, one thing at a time.  But I found the tile I want and wish we could get it before the holidays.

We have paid down a lot of debt, DH is driving his truck another year, our kids are getting educated, we do go out and have a nice log cabin on a lake...

BUT I just wish I had $25k to redo this house and make it a place I WANT to live in, instead of a place I dread coming home to.

Arggh, like I said, a vent!!  Sometimes this road is so hard and we have been on it since 2008 - 4.5 years now.  I just wish for a time when I don't have to worry so much - will that EVERY happen?






iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 12:51pm
Marie, You know this, but it is all about choices. Many kids in school do not have cars. You could define cell phones as just for emergencies and buy the kids trac phones with limited minutes. You could let them go into more debt for their education. You could teach more classes. You could rent the cabins out. You could borrow the money to re do the house. If the issue is junk and need for a big cleanup, you could insist that you get a dumpster and stuff be thrown out...that people help with the yard and flowers...I personally think that you never reach the point where there is too much money...you will always be working and planning for something. But you have to keep priorities in mind...your priorities. I have been wanting to redo my kitchen for the eight years I've lived here...but I can't say I need to do it..the cabinets are really cheap and worn out, and an island would give me more work and storage space. I don't do it because I never want it more than I want other things...retirement is never far from my thoughts, and no matter what planning I do, I think we don't know how much money we will really need...what things will cost or how long we will live. If what you want to do in the house will add to the value and increase your happiness, then maybe this is the right time to do some of it...cut back on what you give for the holidays and give everyone a happier you...sometimes you have to put yourself first or no one will. SJ