Not Sure What To Do

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Registered: 12-31-1969
Not Sure What To Do
4
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 7:38pm

Hi Everyone!

I really need some advice here. I posted this discussion a couple of days ago here for for this topic: http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/The-Challenges-of-Bipolar/Bipolar-or-just-her/m-p/119746183/message-ui...

Well, for those of you who might not have read the topic it was about a friend of mine and my hubands who has a bipolar girlfriend that seemed to go off all the time. Well my friend was just over the other night and he informs me that he is looking for a new girlfriend because he couldn't handle his current girlfriend since she needed so much care because of being  bipolar. Well, it was kind of sad, but in the end if he can't be there for her better to let her find someone who can. However, then he tells me that he is trying to date another girl he met at work and who seems interested in him because she already gave him her contacts. However, he hasn't even broke up with his first girlfriend yet. Instead he plans to go out with this new girl on the side and see how it goes and if it looks like everything is working out then he is planning on just dumping his current girlfriend. I was deeply troubled by this, especially when she called him while we were all hanging out and he told her before he hung up that he loved her.

I don't want to meddle, but this just seems wrong. Sure, she puts him through a lot but to do this to her. I'm worried that stringing her along then dumping her so hasrshly will really do damage to her since she is bipolar and prone to depression. I can totally understand why he is going to leave her, but why not do it properly instead of out of the blue? Getting dumped sucks and I know that no matter how he does it she will be sad, but at least she won't be bing used and cheated on in the meantime.

So what do you guys think? I really want to say something to him but not sure if it's my place to do so. Also, he plans to ask the new girl to go to an event with my husband and I and wants us to not mention his current girlfriend because she doesn't know he is in a relationship. So, he is lying to her as well. Any advice would be really appreciated.  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 7:47pm
AmiraMarie wrote:

Hi Everyone!

I really need some advice here. I posted this discussion a couple of days ago here for for this topic: http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/The-Challenges-of-Bipolar/Bipolar-or-just-her/m-p/119746183/message-ui...

Well, for those of you who might not have read the topic it was about a friend of mine and my hubands who has a bipolar girlfriend that seemed to go off all the time. Well my friend was just over the other night and he informs me that he is looking for a new girlfriend because he couldn't handle his current girlfriend since she needed so much care because of being  bipolar. Well, it was kind of sad, but in the end if he can't be there for her better to let her find someone who can. However, then he tells me that he is trying to date another girl he met at work and who seems interested in him because she already gave him her contacts. However, he hasn't even broke up with his first girlfriend yet. Instead he plans to go out with this new girl on the side and see how it goes and if it looks like everything is working out then he is planning on just dumping his current girlfriend. I was deeply troubled by this, especially when she called him while we were all hanging out and he told her before he hung up that he loved her.

I don't want to meddle, but this just seems wrong. Sure, she puts him through a lot but to do this to her. I'm worried that stringing her along then dumping her so hasrshly will really do damage to her since she is bipolar and prone to depression. I can totally understand why he is going to leave her, but why not do it properly instead of out of the blue? Getting dumped sucks and I know that no matter how he does it she will be sad, but at least she won't be bing used and cheated on in the meantime.

So what do you guys think? I really want to say something to him but not sure if it's my place to do so. Also, he plans to ask the new girl to go to an event with my husband and I and wants us to not mention his current girlfriend because she doesn't know he is in a relationship. So, he is lying to her as well. Any advice would be really appreciated.  

Hi there,
I did take a peep at your other post you posted on another board,
While you are right he is not doing the right thing .. there is not much you can do.
He should know that & if he doesn't he may find out the hard way ::sigh::
As far as you all going out & not saying anything .. it may happen just cause.
If so then he will learn a tough lesson .
Let's hope he does the right thing :smileyhappy:




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 7:48pm
hope someone can help you with this. It can be hard with that kind of condition . Maybe there is a foundation on this that can help you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2012
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 2:28pm

Honestly, I have been there. DH and I had a friend who was unhappy with her dh and talking to some guy online. She ended up involving us by having the guy meet her for the first time at a club where dh was bouncing and we were going to see a band. Her hubby stayed home with their kids and ours. Though we were friends with both the husband and wife we kept our mouths shut. We didn't appreciate her actions but it wasn't our place to say anything to her husband though we did try to tell her we thought she was wrong. It came back to bite us in the rear when she packed the kids and the car and left him. 

Unless you are really close to this man and his current gf I wouldn't say a word but I wouldn't agree to go along with anythign either. I refuse to lie for that kind of behavior (my friend threw this on us when we got to the club!). Honestly, if it were me, I would probably not go to the event with him. No way would I support his decision.