Boyfriend only sees me on weekends

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Boyfriend only sees me on weekends
5
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 12:35am
So I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. We are very in love and he is amazing. He makes me feel so loved and happy. I met his family and all of his friends and we see each other every single Friday through Sunday. We live just 6 miles away from each other. Here's the issue I have. He only seems to want to see me on weekends. He gets up very early for work and I work till 8 pm each night. In my mind I'm thinking we could Even just spend an hour watching tv or just go to sleep together but he seems very set on his week day sleep and work schedule and never wants to see me then. I know for a fact he isn't seeing anyone else on weekdays. He calls me each night and we talk on the phone for about an hour and then he goes to bed. He also texts a lot throughout the day. It's my only problem with the relationship. Tonight, I felt like he was kicking me out of his apartment pretty much. Had a great wkend together and then I get the clue signal from Him saying he needs to go to bed. I said if stay over and just sleep with him and he says he has to get his sleep on and get into his Monday work mode and go to bed etc. doesn't make any sense to me. Feel as if he's sick of me or something. I addressed him about it and he said it had nothing to do with that an he just needed to do his normal routine. But how are we ever to move forward if he can't even deal w a week day sleepover ? What should I do? Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 3:57am

What do you do?   Decide if it's a dealbreaker for you or not.    He's clear about what his needs are, now you just have to work out if you can accept them.

If you need someone who sees you some weeknights, then he's not your man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 5:07am
Well yes, i know that I would like to marry him some day. I know he's not ready right this moment obviously. But I'm just curious if I'm wrong in believing its weird he would need this type of space and if that would ever change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 12:46pm

Apparently he just likes his week day routine and doesn't feel like it adds too much to have you come over late for an hour to watch TV or hang out.  He also might be a light sleeper--how does he sleep when you are with him on weekends?  Do you go to sleep & wake up at the same time?  I know that as far as actually sleeping that I prefer to sleep alone and not have to worry about someone tossing & turning or snoring next to me.  Has he ever lived with someone before?  Eventually you do have to explore this subject but maybe he just feels that when it's time to get married he'll adjust but right now he doesn't feel like it.  By the way, my exH & I lived 1 1/2 hrs from each other all the time we were dating & in those days our parents would never have approved of us living together before marriage, so we only saw each other on weekends until we got married--it can be done.  And there was no texting and I doubt we called each other every night either.  Maybe he could compromise by having you come over one night during the week--like if you both like a certain TV program, you could watch it together & then you could go home if he's more concerned about getting a good night's sleep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2011
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 11:25am
This is indeed frustrating! I would feel the same exact way girlie! No one wants to feel like they are being pushed out of their boyfriend's apartment. I think it's great that you have mentioned your discontent with the situation to him. Communication is key! Though this doesn't seem to be going away does it :/

I think that if this really bothers you, which is seems like it does, then you should really sit him down and talk it out. Tell him you understand completely he needs his work routine in tact but that you won't ruin that by just watching tv with him! You said yourself you talk on the phone for an hour every night away.

Ease into it.. Tell him it's really something you need - seeing him during the week. Start off by suggesting just from 830-930 TV watching time together. Then if he agrees, as weeks go by you can hopefully make a compromise where you sleep over ONCE a week and his choice any day- just to make him more comfortable.

Hopefully this slow and steady easing into it will help him see that its ok for you to sleep over on weekdays and that it IS doable.

Please keep us posted! Need to hear what you guys agree on!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2011
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 9:15am