Same ol' stuff

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Same ol' stuff
4
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 1:07pm
I am trying very, very hard not to keep falling back into the same habit. I have to remember that ap is not so talkative after our get togethers. Yes, he is responding right away, and he isn't saying anything wrong. But I want to talk and I don't want to push. So, it's best that I put on my big girl panties and back off. Lol. He knows where I am when he is ready.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 6:17pm
I am pleasantly surprised today. Every time I think the conversation is done, he texts me. He is talking abiut "next time." Just going with it!

I hate the wishy washy email stuff too. Yes, stay strong!!!! 3 weeks of not feeling like himself? You deserve a prize for dealing with that. Don't give in; I know you can do it!!!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 8:30pm

Just out of curiosity, lost, why do you feel compelled to be the one to change your behavior in this situation?  It is totally normal to want some involved, satisfying conversation in the days after sex.  If not, it tends to make you feel like a hooker (or at least it makes me feel that way).   Isn't this one of those cases where your needs and his needs both should play a role in how you two communicate after meet ups?  To me, being so "understanding" only reinforces his bad habit of pulling away. I see too many women on here subjugate their own needs and desires in the A, and most of the time, the APs are not the least bit appraciative of those efforts.  In fact, most of the time,  they don't have a clue.  Then, when it gets too much, and you explode, they act so shocked and wonder why you flew of the handle!  It just seems that not being true to yourself in an A is never worth the sacrifice.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 1:17pm
Jane ~ we can't change anyone but ourselves. Yes, it is normal to want to talk. And we talked endlessly when we were together. But habit has taught me that he pulls back a little in the days afterward. I don't find anything wrong with that. He is who he is. If I want to talk he will indulge, but I try to respect him and how he is. Pushing him to be more and give more doesn't work.
Besides, this is a physical a, and most of our talk is sexual in nature. We don't exchange pleasantries everyday as it is. We enjoy each other, and that is what matters. I like how it's been and I would rather not push him to be anything he is not.

 

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