Monday weigh-in

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Monday weigh-in
42
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 2:02pm

and thank goodness I don't mean on the scale, huh!

More I just want you to weigh in on how you are doing.  Tell us where you are at...what's helping you...what you think might be keeping you stuck.

If you need some help in a particular area, let us know...not that we won't chime in anyway with ideas or suggestions to unstick you :smileywink:

group ((((hug))))

Clarity

  


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 11:52pm

Okay..where I am at. To be honest, the  last week or two I kept fantasizing about renewing a friendship with xAP...and I was getting really stuck there. And then? Kim posted something on one of these boards about cookies, vodka and a hammer. I imagined myself armed with cookies, vodka and a hammer just smashing away all the ridiculousness...and then I was done.

So now here I am. What is helping? Life. Just plain old life. We have become short- staffed at work and we are hitting a really busy time of year (like between now and Christmas) so that is consuming thoughts and time. I play in a couple of bands as a rhythm guitar, vocalist, fiddle player. One of these bands is a prison band. Sunday I was politely informed by the bass player/director that I have 11 weeks to learn trombone for a Christmas concert. I am not a trombone player.

So as weird as it sounds, I'm going to prison a few extra days a week between now and Christmas  to crash course myself on trombone. And this little endeavor is bringing me immense joy.

I have no idea why. But I'll take it!

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 12:31am

That's pretty cool. RB...learning the trombone.  You constantly amaze me.  Frankly, I don't know where you get all your energy.  And I still shake my head that you even found the time to have an affair.  Do you sleep?

I can't help but think that learning something knew...something that will require a lot of your attention, concentration and time...might just be what the doctor ordered.  

You'll have to keep us posted on how the trombone lessons are coming along.

((hugs))

Clarity

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 2:00am

Clarity, I am so grateful for the knowledge I have received from here, because you're right I would of fallen right back in the A.  The few moments of feel goods are not worth all the pain, hurt and risks of going back to that.   My new NC date is Oct 1st.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 9:17am

Hi Daisy!

Wow....what an awesome reply!  Non-judgemental and to the point I really appreciated that, thank you.  Although I was ready for some "tough love"......your statement "Be kind to yourself"....was perfect.

Thank you so very much!  P

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 9:38am
Hello Clarity!

Hah.... you got me! But of course I was waiting for you to become CL in order for me to spill my pile of beans....

You wrote: " It's like you have totally disconnected from the experience." WOW..that was creepy.....and spot on!

During the entire A I was able to seamlessly disconnect from H while with A and then again from A while with H. Each had their "compartment" I was totally detach emotionally with no "spill over".

Funny you should write about "No Consequences". When the A happen I told my H that AP had kissed me. NO response. (standard for H to be oblivious). It's like a kid with "free" reign to stick his hand in the candy jar with no consequences.

"Entitlement": During the A I felt justified and entitled to being in the A because of the lack of emotional availability from H and AP had the same issue with his W. But of our spouses were disengaged from the M.

PSYCHOPATH http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopath.htm

oOOH CRAP....you just screwed up my morning coffee.

I will go and ponder and read some more....maybe make an appointment with the T we might be onto something here.

Clarity...ARE YOU HAPPY????! Just plain ol happy with yourself today for ruining MY day??? Nah girlfriend.....you know I am kidding...this is the very reason why I think that you are a great CL.

"When we are pushed beyond our bounds....that is when we can grow."

P.S. Just a clarification....in all my dealings with every aspect and relationship in my life I am VERY trustworthy and honest. The A is the ONLY area of my life where there has been deception and loss of integrity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 10:28am

I don't mind bustin' peeps affair fog, or foggy thinking or just chops in general, but bustin' up someone's enjoyment of coffee time...well, that's just unconscionable...I'll go sit in the corner for THAT!

Ya know I just threw out the psychopath...which fits under the bustin' chops category...in gest.  Like you said, other aspects of your life are in sync...so don't be going all psycho on yourself.

But I have to say that article you linked is a little bit scary and it would appear that there are more psychopaths that walk among us than we know.  And now I am wondering...because I am the Wondering Jew...if we all have a little in us to some degree, and it kicks during certain experiences....ah forget this....this is going way beyond the scope of my knowledge...and it's just not good to label anything when one (that one, being me) doesn't know squat about it.  It's dangerous territory.

You don't have to tell me that you are honest and trustworthy...I know that first hand.

(((hugs)))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 10:36am

That's pretty cool. RB...learning the trombone.  You constantly amaze me.  Frankly, I don't know where you get all your energy.  And I still shake my head that you even found the time to have an affair.  Do you sleep?

 

Hah! I think it's called ADHD:smileyfrustrated: And of course I sleep. I LOVE sleep!!

Too much free time (I had come home to run a small day-care out of our house for a few years), not enough challenge , kinda going stir craziness and pure loneliness led to my justification of A.

So yeah..learning new things, returning to work I enjoy, staying engaged in health endeavors. Definately a better option.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 1:20pm
Uh-oh, BUSSSSTED by Clarity for lurking about ( if you did in fact mean this Daisy, there are lots of us weeds...). Well, if the truth be told, Mondays make me look fat so I was just WAITING until Tuesday to post!

I am fine/mostly fine/sorta fine depending on the day or time of day. I am OK with NC, but just keep going round in my fluffy little head, talking away to xAP. Kim's starfish post that was bumped up made me laugh, and I have been trying to use that when that special song or special lovey-dovey sight pops up. I say, Wow, what an awful song! Anyone who likes THAT band is an idiot, or what an UGLY butterfly that just landed on that WRETCHED flower! It doesn't really banish xAP entirely, but it makes me laugh at myself which is distracting enough.

I did make some progress recently and posted it on AYA, in short it was getting at the the function of an affair in our own lives. I sort of "got' that it was time to look at that, not the sparkly details of the A anymore as they really aren't part of the big picture. If they were, we wouldn't sound so much alike! It's time for me anyway to see where the need came from - then maybe I will be able to reclaim the (limited) real estate in my brain.

XOs to all -

Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 3:10pm

Of course you are THE Daisy...nice try, though :smileyhappy:  And you sure look svelte this fine Tuesday.

I never knew Daisy's were weeds.  Well, I'll be....sure are the prettiest weeds I've ever seen.

Well, I'm glad to hear you are fine/mostly fine/sorta fine.  I read that post on the starfish too....exceptional post, I must say. Glad you are using it to bust up that fluff taking up valuable real estate and that you have come to the realization that it's time to banish all and any sparkly details of your affair and concentrate on how the affair truly functioned in your life.  Those sparklies are like those hand-held fireworks, I think.  They look pretty and sparkly, but they can and do burn you...especially if you hold on to them too long.

Keep it hummin'

((hugs))

Clarity

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 3:36pm

Hi there, Pondering Celt :smileyhappy:

Happy, confident, enjoying life and not only not missing xaffair partner but also wanting nothing to do with him...it doesn't get any better than that.  It's where we all strive to be.

Nahhh, I'm not shaking my finger at you in annoyance...as long as you are pondering over the 'whys'...and not pondering fondly.  Say pondering fondly...fast...3 times.  If you can't say, then you can't do it...that's the rule :smileyhappy:

I figure we are all still a work in progress...pondering...wondering...fine tuning along the way...until we are rocking away or having wheelchair races Wheel Chair around the nurses station at the "Next Stop Heaven" nursing facility. 

((hugs))

Clarity