Monday weigh-in

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Monday weigh-in
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 2:02pm

and thank goodness I don't mean on the scale, huh!

More I just want you to weigh in on how you are doing.  Tell us where you are at...what's helping you...what you think might be keeping you stuck.

If you need some help in a particular area, let us know...not that we won't chime in anyway with ideas or suggestions to unstick you :smileywink:

group ((((hug))))




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 2:11pm

Ten months out and crawling towards vet-dom.... Still trying to let it go. The affirmation "I love myself, I forgive myself, I free myself" is hard for me. Why should I love myself? Didn't I do something really bad? If I had had a D Day, everyone would think I was bad. If I had run off with xAP, most of my friends, and all of my family, would be appalled. So why should I love myself? And do I have the right to forgive myself? But if I can't forgive myself, how can I move forward to the freedom I wish for?

I hold the key to this jail, but I still find myself there, often. Maybe I'm so used to it after so many years that it feels safe there.

I want xAP to tell me what a lousy person he is and how blameless I am. (Not true. Fifty shades of grey, for sure.)

On the plus side, those who know me well and know my story tell me that I've come a long, long way since last November. Maybe I should listen to them.

Music is still the hardest thing for me, that and having to leave the circle of friends who used to meet at my house every Tuesday night. My H still goes, though it's not here anymore, and my xAP is still there with his GF. I know it makes my H happy that I don't go anymore, and I know he realizes how hard it was for me to give it up, even if he doesn't know the whole story. The way he looks at me, I know he realizes how hard it is. I told him I left because it was bad for our marriage (it certainly was), and at least he knows I meant it. That much, I can be somewhat proud of.

Anybody who can tell me how to love myself again, I'm all ears. If suffering is my penance, I sure have done enough of it, in the A and out of it. It's just a long road.

--love to all you EASers out there, Birdsong


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 2:23pm
Hi Clarity,

I'm doing good!! Your post made me think back to a year ago when I was posting "Thank God it's Monday"!!! Seems like that was another lifetime!

Vet-ville is just around the corner for me!! To all you newbies, it's doable, you will survive and you will long as you follow the tried and true advice on this board...NO CONTACT. That will set you free!

Thanks for never giving up on me Clarity!!!


The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 3:00pm

>love to all you EASers out there<  Yahhh...and we all did what you did, and you still love us, right?

Think of all the people you love.  Do you think they have been perfect human beings throughout their entire lives?  And you still love them, right?

So you messed're not a perfect human being...who is?  And you stopped before any further hurt could befall anyone else...sounds like a person who is loveable and worthy of love by herself and others to me.

Check this out...maybe it might help you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 3:03pm


Why should you love yourself???  Silly!

Because you are an honest woman, living a life of integrity.  Because you are strong!  Because you are honoring your H and your M. 

And you are so blessed!  Because you have a wonderful H that loves you, understands you, cares for you and is loyal to you.  (More than you can say for your XAP’s now GF!)

Because you have been willing to share your experience, which I know has helped me.

So, go love on yourself.

Might be worth making a list of affirmations of all the wonderful things about YOU!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 3:09pm

I remember too...remember thinking, 'what kinda nut loves Mondays?!" :smileyvery-happy:  It DOES seem like another lifetime, doesn't it.

Yep, Vetville...right around the corner!  

Nope...never gave up on you, NoWay.  I always knew you had it in you.  I know everyone has it in them...we just have to dig deep to get to it...and you did.  Okay, now I'm feeling a little Veclempt.



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 3:11pm youu dooin'? :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 4:23pm
Hey peeps. I am OK. Realizing I am not thinking about xAP as much lately. I guess almost 10 months of NC will do that to you.
My boys are both ill with a nasty childhood ailment that I was fortunate never to have. The little on is on Day 4 and the big one is just coming down with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 4:31pm

thanks and love, clarity and sunrise.... Bird

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 4:52pm

Hello all,

Thank you for your shout out Clarity!

I’m doing okay. Much better than Friday.  I had a very tough day Friday (posted on AAS).  Cried….alot.

Until I got home.  Then things got better – quickly.  It was a good weekend in that my H’s sister and her family were in town.  Our two families had a great weekend, playing cards, grilling, going to our college football game, church, hiking, grilling some more!  All nine of us, all weekend together. 

But, I must tell you that XAP is so heavy on my mind…and heart.  It hurts to think I hurt him with my final email last week.

But.   I know it had to be done.  I had to do that for both of us.

And I want my marriage back.  And, as I shared on AAS this morning, I so badly want to experience happiness and joy in my marriage and with my family.

I want to be whole again…..I have forgotten how that feels.  It’s been a long time.  (5 yr A)

Can I do it?  Can I get there again?

One thing at a time.  And I’m trying not to be fearful.  Change is scary.

But the way I was feeling while in the A was just awful.  And I want more out of life.  I want to really live my dream.  Which is to be happy and giving and honest and in love with my H and family and to show, feel, experience REAL love.  That is my dream.  And achieving our dreams and goals take work.

Just getting started on that.

And I’m pretty scared…

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 5:16pm

That's great, Rain!'s working its magic.

Sorry to hear about the boys being sick.  I was an only child...I got sick and that was that.  My friends with brothers and sisters...oy...everybody came down with it.  Didn't think too much about their poor now.  

Two more months, Rain...two more months :smileywink: