Friends that waste money

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Friends that waste money
Mon, 10-08-2012 - 9:41pm
I don't really know if this appropriate to post but we have a lot of friends that are broke but have way nicer things then us. I know that everyone gets to make their own decision on how they spend their money. However it is painful to watch. Also because all three families have kids so the pattern and lifestyle is being taught. I would never say anything. With one of the friends I do talk with her about how we are trying to pay down our loans ASAP. She agrees but then I see her doing the complete opposite. Oh well. Has anyone ever said anything to someone way over spending? On that note I did confront my uncle nicely via email for not paying on a big loan he owes my dad. Definitely my dad was part of the problem by not calling him on it. It felt really good because it got them talking and him paying but it did make me feel also like what will I do if it happens again because I don't want to be my dads personal bill collector (since he borrows too many people money) and that could be another post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 2:58pm
I guess I don't understand the ATM fee concept. We go to the bank once every other week when we get paid and take out enough for all our spending ($500 for me to cover groceries, gas and spending.) Both of us have hidden money in our wallets should we run short.
Then we always have some cash in our little safe at home if we run short of what we have (but we have not touched that in a couple years now.)
I also walk into the bank during my lunch to do it, so I really never use an ATM except to deposit miscellaneous checks if the bank looks full.

Are you all not forecasting spending? Or do you not have emergency funds? Please enlighten me as to why you would use the ATM, this has me kind of baffled.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 2:50pm
I think more people are without money that with. Over 51% of people over 55 have less than $50k in their retirement savings plans.*

We used to not talk about sex, and guess what, we do now. Talking about money might actually help others, and in those households where parents talk to the kids about money, the kids do have a greater understanding.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 2:18pm
happysj56 wrote:
 I once dated a very bright guy who had plenty of money.but he made me crazy be ause he would go to whatever ATM he was passing when he needed money...he could not manage to plan ahead...I knew that it was his money he was wasting, but I also knew if we had joint money, I would have lost my mind (and temper) over this, because to me it was just a blatant waste of money...I would rather he dropped the dollar in the street because at least then, someone needy might pick it up...

Ha - this is my DH all over.  It used to drive me CRAZY.  In his case, it's splitting up shopping trips instead of doing them all on one day, which wastes time and gas.  There is a small, expensive grocery store about 2 miles from us, and for the last few years he goes there nearly every day to shop.  He calls it his pantry! 

You know what - I decided to let it go.  I am sure we spend at least $100 extra per month on food because of this habit of his, but it's not worth getting bent out of shape over.  When we needed to be tighter with money, he was.  Since he's a SAHD and does all the shopping and cooking (and he's an AMAZING cook), I figure if I complain about it, then I'm telling him to do his job and that's not fair to him.  It's not how I'd do it, and I grind my teeth over it every year when I add up all those debits, but for the harm it would do our relationship, I just let it go.  He takes a lot of pride in his cooking and in taking care of us, and I'm not going to spoil his enjoyment of caring for us with my nit-picking.

Not saying you would have nitpicked this guy - I DID nitpick DH when it was important - it just isn't that important now.

He gave me a fright last night - I had opened a bottle of wine to drink with dinner while he was out at dog-training lessons with our newest dog.  When he got home, he said, "That was a $60 bottle of wine, I hope you're enjoying it."  I nearly passed out, then realized (a) he wouldn't spend $60 on a bottle of wine and (b) even if he did, it wouldn't be on a Rioja which you can usually get for about $10.  He's a laugh riot, that one.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 1:52pm

And one thing no one has mentioned yet, is how we explain the discrepancies to our kids!

Remember when we were little and used to ask our mom "can't you just write a check?"  And now it is "can't you use your card?"  After telling DD "I don't have enough money today." 

Some days she is just a big snot about it all, and other days she is fine staying within a budget on a particular shopping trip. 

I just keep telling her its about choices. 

There does have to be some joy in our day to day life, even if that means debt repayment takes a little longer.  I think we all have a vice, or something of importance we deem worth the monetary cost. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 11:29am
I didn't realize they had changed Red Devil. That stinks. I haven't made soap in ten years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 8:35am
I can't stand using Non-network ATMs! Especially because you get charged twice! Once by your bank for going out of network and once by the bank you're using!
I hear you about friends wasting money! I have a friend who was recently married (must have spent anywhere from $50 -$60K on the wedding). They honeymooned for three weeks in Thailand. They've been on a cruise, they went to Hawaii for a friends wedding.They are amazing people but I worry about them. They both work for the gov't and I know how much they make (its available online here). Its good, but not that good (just over $100K between them) They actually decided to sell their house and rent a dive apartment while they're waiting for the new one to be built because they are burried in consumer debt.
But all I can do is hope that they turn it around soon so it doesn't bite them later!

Bex -

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 8:28am

It's funny that you mention wasting money through non-network ATMs and paying more at some places versus others.  I know I plan certain errands around where my network ATMs are so I can grab cash and go do what I need to do.

I've also kept a log of food prices in my computer for the past year.  I keep my 3 big shopping places in there so when a better price comes up at a closer store I can be aware.  In some cases the cost of gas to get to the store negates any savings I may have gotten by shopping there.

I hope to eventually be one of those folks who can charge everything and pay it off to net the rewards of a card.  Good points.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 4:46pm
I totally agree that it is all about priorities if you are spending money you have...and I agree with Marie's concept that sometimes time is better spent on earning money than saving money. I enjoy shopping, and I like the challenge of buying things for the lowest possible price...but if it is 9:00 on a freezing cold night and I am out of milk, I will pay the premium to buy it at the little store on the corner...I try to plan ahead, but if I don't, I sometimes 'waste' money. I once dated a very bright guy who had plenty of money.but he made me crazy be ause he would go to whatever ATM he was passing when he needed money...he could not manage to plan ahead...I knew that it was his money he was wasting, but I also knew if we had joint money, I would have lost my mind (and temper) over this, because to me it was just a blatant waste of money...I would rather he dropped the dollar in the street because at least then, someone needy might pick it up...what I hate about credit is that I feel it is the opposite of good tax policy...the people with the least amount of money are funding the banking and financial systems while the people with money get services for fact, I use credit cards to pay for most everything, paying them off each month, and I get cash back on all of them...I know which ones pay the most for what, and I use them that way...But many people do not have that luxury (or discipline). I feel the same way about government sponsored lotteries, the people playing are buying a dream, funding government projects, and they are the people who can least afford it. I know that state run numbers took money out of the illegal economy and made it legal, but I think it exploits a lot of people who wouldn't do it if it were illegal...again, it is all about choices, but I think the deck is a little stacked to make it hard for people who don't nderstand or think about the big picture.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 12:48pm

Oh yes, I can think of several friends and family that stick out in my mind when it comes to spending and priorities.  It's frustrating to hear the complaints while seeing them be foolish.

DH and I are friends with a couple who are in so far over their heads that I don't know how they'll survive if he ever leaves the service.  They finance cars and ATVs at 100% and then trade them in for something brand new before they're finished paying off the old loan.  Last I heard they paid almost 30k for her brand new Nissan cube and something like 13k for a used ATV because they were rolling their old loans into the new ones.  Every pay day it's "We're so broke, we can barely pay bills" but they eat out at least once a week.  

He deployed two years ago and they managed to pay down one card but other than that they spent all of the extra money he earned.  They got a sizeable tax refund that January and bought two brand new iPads.  I reminded her that she had wanted to pay down/off some debt with the money but she said she was tired of just paying the bills and wanted a new toy.  :-X

We have the occasional money discussion, but they seem to be happy just paying minimums as long as they have some extra at the end.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 10:56am

Oh that is so sad about your stepmom.

DH & I had *just* gotten out of debt in 2008 when we took a family vacation to Ireland.  The "smart" thing would probably have been to not go and save the $15,000, but at that point our kids were 16, 13 and 8, and they were only going to be around for a certain number of years more.  Since then, we've gone to England, Scotland, Virginia and California, and I'm very glad we've spent the money to do it.  Those are shared family experiences we'll always have together.  In less than two years, DS will have graduated college and may not be able to or want to go on family vacations with us. 

I am always fascinated by how people spend their money (assuming they have it to spend, of course).  My best friends spent over $100,000 this past year on renovating two bathrooms and having the inside of their house painted, and they go out to eat at nice restaurants a couple of times a week, but she buys her clothes at Old Navy and he only owns two pairs of jeans and eight pairs of shoes including sneakers.  His cousin lives in a $10 million house and her husband makes millions of dollars a year but she buys her clothes at Walmart.  To each his own, I guess.