AP suicide today

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2012
AP suicide today
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 4:38am

I ended it in May.  We both took turns fishing but were strong at alternating times.  He contacted me last night with a final goodbye email.  I happened to be online, freaked, and went to see him.  Stayed with him until he convinced me he was alright in the morning.  He killed himself this afternoon. 

I have so much guilt for not staying longer today and for not knowing he was on the brink.  I can't talk to anyone about it without damaging his memory, reputation, and family, or mine. 

Seems like I read about someone on these boards that went through a similar situation.  I guess I'd like to chat with her, but I don't remember how to find her.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 6:43am
Dear catch22, I am so sorry this has happened in your world. I have had multiple suicides happen around me too, and those left behind battle the guilt. Please try to keep yourself out of that pit as it is never the fault of those that were there last, or should have known better, etc. Do find counseling just so you can talk about it, for your own health. Many, many hugs, Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 8:22am


I am so sorry for what you must be going through.  I can't imagine all the different emotions that you must be feeling.  Please don't let guilt be one of them. See a therapist, talk to someone in real life about this.  This is not your fault. 

Formerly heartacheafter7years
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 8:35am
I'm very sorry. (( ))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 10:02am
Dear Catch,

I am so very sorry for the emotional pain and torment that this man had to endure.

I am so sorry for the additional pain that has been placed upon your mantel. Through your compassion you reached out to help him within the scope of your ability. But you are not responsible for his fatal choice. He chose to escape his pain the best way he knew how at the time.

I hope when anyone of us are faced with a situation where someone is despondent that we may have the presence of mind to be able to talk them into calling 911 or taking them to the nearest emergency room.

Has someone who has btdt, having an advocate who can help you when you can not.... is a life saving gift.

(Catch22d this statement is not directed at you; just a general statement in hopes it may help someone else)

Again, I am so very sorry for Xap's passing and I truly hope you find peace and comfort.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 10:36am

I am so very sorry.

It is NOT your fault.

I beleive the other poster who wen t through something similar actually posts on the MAS board.  I don't know her name but she posted there again recently I believe so I am sure someone there could direct you.

Again, I am so very sorry.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 10:58am
I am so so sorry to read this truely awful news. Please please please know there was nothing absolutely nothing that you could have said or done that could have changed these awful events. Nothing..... When someone is in that much emotional pain that to them their only option is to end their life they will do it. 

Draw comfort from the fact that you were there for him in his darkest hours, it will have been of comfort to him also. Please go talk to a therapist, there are also online resources as well as face to face services for anyone who have lost someone to suicide. I wish you strength Catch.

My thoughts and prayers are with you

Sunny Soon Xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 11:11am


How tragic.  I am so sorry.  Please feel free to talk it all out here.  If you have a therapist, it wouldn't be a bad idea to set up an appointment...professional counseling can really help.

I'll try my best to find the poster who went through a similar situation and let you know.



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 11:25am

Yes, there was a poster on MAS daisy.girl91121 who experienced a similar situation...she posted on 2/29/12.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2012
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 2:20pm

Thank you everyone.  Your words have been helpful.  I believe the lady I was thinking of must have been on MAS, because she spoke of having a new AP when the other one died.  I'll look for Daisy.

Thanks again for your support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 2:25pm

Yes...that's her