AP suicide today

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2012
AP suicide today
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 4:38am

I ended it in May.  We both took turns fishing but were strong at alternating times.  He contacted me last night with a final goodbye email.  I happened to be online, freaked, and went to see him.  Stayed with him until he convinced me he was alright in the morning.  He killed himself this afternoon. 

I have so much guilt for not staying longer today and for not knowing he was on the brink.  I can't talk to anyone about it without damaging his memory, reputation, and family, or mine. 

Seems like I read about someone on these boards that went through a similar situation.  I guess I'd like to chat with her, but I don't remember how to find her.


Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 12:46am
I am so sorry.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 5:19am

I am so sorry Catch. What a terrible thing for you to be dealing with. Like others have said, I hope you are able to get some therapy to help sort through all the many emotions you must be feeling.

Take care of yourself.


The core of who you are is not always obvious to everyone. But to believe what others may believe of you can cause you to deny yourself, the wonders, of who you really are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 12:37pm

I'm so so sorry, Catch.  I can't imagine the pain you are in, and I am so sorry for you.  I completely agree with everyone else that there is nothing you could have done differently... this decision was his and his alone.  It's amazing enough that you responded and tried to help him in the way you did, but his pain was beyond your control.  I hope that you can find peace in time.  Many well wishes to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 12:52pm


Big hugs and my heart goes out to you. It is painful enough to work through the Ending and separation. I can only imagine how much more this adds to it.

There are support groups out there that could help you work through this. Please don’t isolate and try and work through this alone. It will be so much harder. It would be so easy to feel that no one could understand what you are going through.  Please, please, please do not get sweep away into isolation with those thoughts.

Please also consider speaking with those who attempted suicide and survived. While you’ll never know what he was thinking and feeling, it might help to hear what others were thinking and feeling at the time of their attempt. It may give you some peace to hear from them that nothing anyone could have done would have changed their course. It really is an individual decision and is not as reliant on external factors as those on the outside looking in might tend to believe. A co-worker of mine lost her BF to suicide and talking to those who attempted it gave her the most peace and put some of her questions to rest.

Much love and big Hugs,


Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2011
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 3:50pm