AP suicide today

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2012
AP suicide today
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 4:38am

I ended it in May.  We both took turns fishing but were strong at alternating times.  He contacted me last night with a final goodbye email.  I happened to be online, freaked, and went to see him.  Stayed with him until he convinced me he was alright in the morning.  He killed himself this afternoon. 

I have so much guilt for not staying longer today and for not knowing he was on the brink.  I can't talk to anyone about it without damaging his memory, reputation, and family, or mine. 

Seems like I read about someone on these boards that went through a similar situation.  I guess I'd like to chat with her, but I don't remember how to find her.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2011
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 3:50pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 12:52pm


Big hugs and my heart goes out to you. It is painful enough to work through the Ending and separation. I can only imagine how much more this adds to it.

There are support groups out there that could help you work through this. Please don’t isolate and try and work through this alone. It will be so much harder. It would be so easy to feel that no one could understand what you are going through.  Please, please, please do not get sweep away into isolation with those thoughts.

Please also consider speaking with those who attempted suicide and survived. While you’ll never know what he was thinking and feeling, it might help to hear what others were thinking and feeling at the time of their attempt. It may give you some peace to hear from them that nothing anyone could have done would have changed their course. It really is an individual decision and is not as reliant on external factors as those on the outside looking in might tend to believe. A co-worker of mine lost her BF to suicide and talking to those who attempted it gave her the most peace and put some of her questions to rest.

Much love and big Hugs,


Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 12:37pm

I'm so so sorry, Catch.  I can't imagine the pain you are in, and I am so sorry for you.  I completely agree with everyone else that there is nothing you could have done differently... this decision was his and his alone.  It's amazing enough that you responded and tried to help him in the way you did, but his pain was beyond your control.  I hope that you can find peace in time.  Many well wishes to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 5:19am

I am so sorry Catch. What a terrible thing for you to be dealing with. Like others have said, I hope you are able to get some therapy to help sort through all the many emotions you must be feeling.

Take care of yourself.


The core of who you are is not always obvious to everyone. But to believe what others may believe of you can cause you to deny yourself, the wonders, of who you really are.
Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 12:46am
I am so sorry.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 2:25pm

Yes...that's her

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2012
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 2:20pm

Thank you everyone.  Your words have been helpful.  I believe the lady I was thinking of must have been on MAS, because she spoke of having a new AP when the other one died.  I'll look for Daisy.

Thanks again for your support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 11:25am

Yes, there was a poster on MAS daisy.girl91121 who experienced a similar situation...she posted on 2/29/12.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 11:11am


How tragic.  I am so sorry.  Please feel free to talk it all out here.  If you have a therapist, it wouldn't be a bad idea to set up an appointment...professional counseling can really help.

I'll try my best to find the poster who went through a similar situation and let you know.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 10:58am
I am so so sorry to read this truely awful news. Please please please know there was nothing absolutely nothing that you could have said or done that could have changed these awful events. Nothing..... When someone is in that much emotional pain that to them their only option is to end their life they will do it. 

Draw comfort from the fact that you were there for him in his darkest hours, it will have been of comfort to him also. Please go talk to a therapist, there are also online resources as well as face to face services for anyone who have lost someone to suicide. I wish you strength Catch.

My thoughts and prayers are with you

Sunny Soon Xxx