Poem

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Registered: 10-22-2001
Poem
7
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 10:51am
Nightangel
Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nightangel67
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 9:48am

it is so true ow often this happens!! Mine never gave me flowers but hadother ways of getting to me sigh


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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
In reply to: nightangel67
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 10:09pm

I hate flowers, sorry bit harsh...:smileysad:...

Still dealing with the LOSS of my friend...it has been very difficult.

My ex bought me or at least tried to.

If it or he seems too good to be true trust your gut instincts.

Usually there is a pattern.

Subtle at first but they you can begin to see it.

Wished I had seen it sooner or hadn't got sucked back in.

My heart goes out to you Queen.

Nightangel
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: queen_brat
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 7:12am

Was talking about my ex husband but the ex boyfriend is trying and yesterday he really set me off. I told him I had plans with my two of my children and when I didn't answer his text messages before those plans he accused me of having plans with someone else and not really my children. Yes I had gone out a few times with someone and went by to see this guy Thursday to get my oil changed as he is a mechanic and I really needed my oil changed and he works at a shop that does this but the behavior yesterday was uncalled for. When I didn't respond to the text messages he of course called. I told him I wouldn't live like that again and when I explained what I meant by that he told me if I ever compared him to my ex husband again he would tell me to go f off so I said OK good bye and hung up on him. AHHHH!! He of course said sorry later but I can't shake it and really don't think I should. He has been saying all the right things lately and takes all the blame for everything and we talk non stop but I just don't know.


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Avatar for cajunharmony
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Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: cajunharmony
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 8:06am

A~, I know you're not asking advice, but you also know I'm going to put my two cents worth in.  Sounds to me like it's time to tell this guy to f~ off anyway, and then initiate NO CONTACT.  It appears to me, from what you have posted here, that he's becoming more and more disrespectful of your boundaries, and more controlling.  I also hear some attempts to isolate you.  A~, your ex put you through the wringer enough to last you three lifetimes.  Please, do NOT let this guy keep turning you upside down like this.  I know it's lonely, I know you hate being alone, I understand.  But this guy is NOT worth all the newfound things you have worked so hard to achieve.  Please reconsider talking to a counselor.  I really do think it's time.  You don't need or deserve more years of emotional limbo.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nightangel67
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 8:35am
I wasn't asking because i know what everyone will say and its why i posted some of it. All i hear from him is how sorry he is and how he ran from his feelings and now that is what i am doing and i wonder if i am? But its not just the fear he will hurt me but like you said the fear he is like my ex. If i had time i would go to counseling but i don't. I am.working way to much and need to cut back. I am running away for the night with my girls, e doesn't want to go, next month to an indoor water park and can't wait. I need to get away which is another thing about him he wants to go and i don't want him to. I know he would be fine there but also wonder if he will behave the way he did the day i went to the fair without him with my male friend that yes we dated, the mechanic, but we could never br long term. The ex boyfriend tried to piss me off so would have no fun. I know the red flags are screaming at me but when we were together there weren't but now that that have will they always?

Your right i don't want to be alone but i don't want to live this way either!! I worry i let the past cloud things to much and sadly now i understand why some stay out of love and still love the abuser. I never fully understood before because i stopped loving my abuser way before i left him. At first stayed for my love for my children because i knew he would walk away from them but then because of my love for my children i over came the fear of leaving him and left. Sigh. What a mess!!

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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
In reply to: cajunharmony
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 9:53am

Aw, Sweet A~, hugest hugs.  This has got to be a nightmare for you, with all sorts of things getting triggered.  I am 100% in support of your girlfriend time and hope you go with a light heart and totally focused on just having a good time and not thinking about all of this one little bit.  Only other thing I have to add is - PLEASE, do NOT ignore all those red flags that are waving in the breeze.  Think back to the other times you saw those flags waving and where that led.  You know this is not going to get any better.  Please don't set yourself up for more heartache and possibly worse.  I know how lonely you are, I've been going through it for years.  But I would rather be a tad lonely for male companionship than to ever take the chance on getting back into an abusive relationship.  In fact, 2-3 years ago, I was engaged to be married, but as soon as that engagement ring went on my finger, he changed and it was NOT for the better.  Four weeks later I returned his ring and broke it off completely.  It was then that he showed his true colors and I realized what a bullet I had dodged and I thank God for that insight every single day.  Two of the biggest enemies of survivors are minimization and rationalization.  We're such experts at doing so because of our past, but it also can lead us down the wrong path for the future.  Hugs, honey, I'm just so concerned for you.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nightangel67
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 11:57am
I told him this morning to go research emotional abuse and tell me if he saw himself and why i told"compare" him to my ex husband. He actually did it and saw him self some in a check list and where he didn't i explained to him how he fit. He didn't math all of them and seemed to understand but still thinks its all because he is jealous and he wouldn't be this way if he wasn't in love with me. I let him know i don't care why he is this way it is unacceptable and has to stop now and he has to get a handle on it and realize that no he doesn't trust me or he wouldn't be acting this way.

My trouble with this is the red flags weren't there three months ago before he thought he could lose me. Back when he was taking for granted i loved him enough to not walk away. Then we had things like him forgetting plans or canceling them at the last minute and those things happened to often few years ago but hadn't in the last year. The last year the main problem was he wouldn't come to my place i always went to his and he lives 45 minutes away. He now admits he made excuses to not come out and has no idea why but things will be different and he has wanted to come out many times but i have said no. Im not ready for that and he gets upset and doesn't understand but doesn't push

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