My husband says he doesn't love me and needs time to figure out

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
My husband says he doesn't love me and needs time to figure out
6
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 11:57am

Does this mean my marriage is over?? We have been together for almost 20 years and have a 17 yr old son and 13 yr old daughter and I do not want this at all, it was such a shock for him to say this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010

I heard the same thing when I confronted my exH about his affair.  He recanted his 'i dont love you anymore' when I filed for divorce and then it was "I can't believe you did this! I didn't even have time to think!"  Well, I  DID,  Buster!  3+ YEARS DOWN THE ROAD......You don't love me anymore? Well, how do you like me now???? lol

 

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008

Yep!

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
And when someone suddenly wants out of a 20 year marriage, there's usually always reason to suspect a third party is somehow involved.
Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008

dodi1974,

It is hard to say but peaceyma is asking a good question. Before I found out about my spouse's affair, she began talking like your husband. What I found out is that she was seeing someone else and couldn't sort out what to do so she decided to ask me to leave. It really had nothing to do with how she felt about me but about her. On this list we have what is called the 180. Here are two of the points made in the 180:


31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.

 

In my case, this was exactly true. Much of what my spouse said for a period of time wasn't true. She said she wasn't seeing anyone, then she blaimed me for her affair, she said she didn't love me and lied for a very long time about the facts of the affair. It took quite a while for the person I used to call my spouse to reemerge from behind the wall she built for herself. Seriously, several months went by and we were talking about things and just like that, the wall went down, and that sweet girl I married 19 years earlier like suddenly appeared from behind the façade in the conversation and I started to cry. I remember saying something like, "there you are, I've really missed you."

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Do you think he's seeing someone else?