18 wks Pregnant...I KNOW I need to leave

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
18 wks Pregnant...I KNOW I need to leave
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 1:55pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We found out we were pregnant (very much a surprise) and moved in together in August.

Things have been going from bad to worse. I understand it takes time to adjust...to living together....to get used to the idea that we are going to be parents.

We are both 38 yrs old, neither one of us have any other children. I am divorced--he has never been married.

I knew going in that his previous relationships were turbulent...but we have managed to get along so well, I guess I thought things would be 'different' with me. He has never (previous to last week) ever called me names or been hateful with me. He definitely has a temper...but our arguments have remained pretty low key. Then last weekend things changed.

He gets upset if I don't 'cuddle' him enough at night. On more than one occasion he will wake me up, very upset. I have tried to explain to him that being pregnant makes sleeping very difficult and that it means I will have to face away from him sometimes (I have to sleep on my side now) It ticks me off that he interrupts my (much needed) sleep because he feels ignored...but I honestly thought it would fade over time.

Here is the bad part…he get mean, REALLY mean when he gets mad.  Because I guess I wasn’t responding the way he thought I should…so he said he was going to start dating other people…then grabbed his phone and started texting (I assume some girls) right there laying next to me in bed.  He has made this ‘threat’ before and so I got out of bed and told him that was fine, I guess then it was ok if I started seeing other people too???  (Seriously….I am almost 5 months pregnant, as if I would actually start ‘dating’)   This statement was all it took to throw him over the edge.  He then started calling me names.  …saying horrible things like ‘no wonder your ex-husband divorced you.  Called me cold.   This went on for a couple hours.  I responded for a while (though I never said anything hateful or mean…seriously…I can’t imagine saying such mean things to another person) then finally it just hurt too much.  I told him I was done talking to him cause he was mean.  He kept telling me to get out of his house RIGHT NOW!  I really didn't want to show up at my sister’s house in the middle of the night so finally I threatened to call his parents and tell them that their son was kicking a pregnant woman out of his house in the middle of the night.  He laughed at me…but immediately laid off the ‘GET OUT RIGHT NOW’ stuff.

About 4am…he said ‘sorry’ but not much else.  I feel as if I am living on the edge of a cliff, not really sure what will set him off again.  I have never been in a relationship like this.  Even when my marriage was falling apart, we were never ‘mean’ to each other, never called each other names or said obnoxious hateful stuff.  I know that if a friend told me this stuff…I would tell her to dump his sorry ass and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 8:23pm

I know if I showed up at my sister's house in the middle of the night all hell would break loose in my family and they would become immediately involved, and I ALSO JUST REALIZED that (even though I do not want to admit it) I want to protect him from the wrath of my family. 

....what a f***ed up mess I have got myself into...

Would you please at least try calling you local domestic violence hotline?  If you want to keep the baby, you need to protect your baby and yourself from this man, not this man from your family.  Even among animals, the mother's first priority is the baby, not her mate.