The end of one phase, the beginning of another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
The end of one phase, the beginning of another.
7
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 2:16pm

I had my 6-week follow up appointment today with my midwives and it really hit home as I was saying goodbye; my baby years are over and it's time for me to move on to the next phase in my life.

DH and I decided before DS was even conceived that two was the right number of kids for us. Partially because of our age, but also for logistical and financial reasons. I do believe it's the right choice but I'm having a hard time with knowing it's all over. I'll never chart again and get excited seeing a BBT dip and rise, never POAS and wait hopefully for that faintest of faint second lines, never hear the heartbeat again for the first time, never feel those first kicks... all that. I know I'd feel the same way regardless of how many children we had so it's not about wanting more kids, it's just about missing some of the special moments that come with TTC, pregnancy, and birth. We waited so long to have kids and there was such anticipation along the way, it's really an odd feeling to know it's over. I was getting my maternity clothes together to give to a friend of mine since she's TTC and had to stop because it was just too hard right now.

Is anyone else here done having children and experiencing some sadness about it?

 BabyFetus Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2001

I'm done as well.  This was dh's second child, but my fourth.  We agreed that financially and due to the size of our house, this was it.  Not to mention we aren't getting any younger either.  I'm not sure that it's really bothering me though, as I knew during the pregnancy that this was it.  And this was my second go of it.  When I had my second dd (in my first marriage), I wrongly assumed we'd try for a third as my husband at the time was receptive of it.  Then without asking my opinion when she was two, he got a vasectomy.  I was devastated that the choice had been taken from me and went through everything you've been feeling.  The sadness that I'd never again experience any of those things.  This time however, the finality of it all was just a comforting chapter ending with a new exciting chapter opening up.  The next time I experience any of these things will be through my children as they have children of their own.  Though I'm in no way eager to have my kids grow up, I'm ok with moving forward to the next chapter.  Hugs!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2011

Because of our fertility challenges..and the fact that we had to use IVF......we thought after our first IVF, an conceiving Triplets....we were SOOOOOOOOOOOOO Done. Financially and realistically. Even after losing the boys in that pregnancy...and getting one beautiful healthy daughter....we still assumed we were done. NO way we could afford another IVF or baby...because Gracie was Spoiled with the best of the best.

As she grew..I sold most of her stuff thru consignment, or craigslist as she outgrew it.

Enter my parents...who offered to co-sign a loan for another IVF attempt. I was aching for a sibling for Daughter..because at age 40...I was worried she would be all alone in the world when we died. Stupid?

So..we did another IVF....but miscarried. Making us want it even more....so ANOTHER IVF.....and Baby Jack (7 weeks old)..came of that. We spent between 55-60K all together for these two. 2 days after he was born I was MISSING being preggo and already started talkign to hubby about a third. He was SHOCKED. LOL

I'm about to turn 41...and Baby jack has had nothing but problems since he was born. He is BEAUTIFUL....but challenging to say the least. RSV and hospitalization, Hernia..double ear infections....digestive issues....severe reflux.... And Lions and Tigers and Bears.

I have not commited one way or another....but feel RIDICULOUS at almost 41....thinking of runnig around preggo with a 2 year old and newborn! LOL. People already assume (at times)..that I am the GRANDPARENT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008

Cindy, when I read where you wrote, "the next time I experience any of these things will be through my children as they have children of their own," I seriously started bawling. LOL It's true. The next time will be when my children have children and as much as I know we are done I'm still grieving the loss I guess.

Thanks for all the input, ladies. It's good to hear other perspectives and know others have been there.

 BabyFetus Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 2:25pm
As Natalie approaches one month old, I am beginning to feel the same way. It dawned on me that I will never have MY OWN newborn again. My DH was done with two originally, but had a change of heart. He is part of the reason I am now apprehensive. You can tell that he adores her, and is just relishing every moment. With the other two he was very upfront that he had a hard time bonding before they walked and talked. I was confident and at peace with our decision for this to be our last the whole pregnancy. Then I had my first uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery, and my first But now every milestone seems so final.
Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 2:40pm
As Natalie approaches one month old, it dawned on me that I wil never have MY OWN newborn again. I have mixed emotions with every milestone. Everyting seems so final. My DS was done with two, but eventually warmed up to the idea of three. In fact, I think he is part of the reason I am feeling a bit apprehensive about our decision. He didn't use to be much of a "baby guy", but prefered them once they could walk and talk. But he seems to be relishing every moment with this last one. I found him awake and cuddling her on the couch at 3am for no reason two nights ago. His response - "Just enjoying the cuddles. They don't last forever." Such a bittersweet moment. I was confident and at peace with the decision that this was our last the whole pregnancy. However, Natalie was my first uncomplicated pregnancy/delivery, and first fairly easy baby. I could have a hundred of her. I keep trying to remember the more difficult moment in our journey to have a family, and convince myself that it is better to end on a high note. Natalie is the perfect end to that journey. (Now to convince myself completely).
Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2011
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 12:02pm

I can't believe I saw this post.  I got on here looking specifically for this exact conversation! 

I could've written this.  Really.  My 6 weeks is tomorrow (although my appointment isn't until next week) and I'm having a helluva time.  SIX WEEKS??  Where did that go?  And I really like my doc and his staff.  I won't see them again for another year?  I practically lived in that office since August.  And like you, we're done.  This baby was 4 for us, so we're beyond done.  But I'm still a wreck about it.

How long am I going to be emotional about this kind of stuff?  How long will I not get jealous when a friend posts on FB about having a baby or being pregnant?  Because I feel pathetic.

Kelly Mom to: DD 10/00 DS 7/05 DD 10/08 Angel 10/11 #4 EDD - late Sept