negativity

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2012
negativity
3
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 4:41pm

How do you deal positively with negative comments being thrown at you?  

I have a lovely hairdresser and have just been to have my hair cut which i love, the hairdresser has done a lovely job, and people I know comment said it looks nice.   My mum wanted to see it and because I do not live near her and cannot get to see her easily I sent her a photo.   As soon as she got the photo her comments were very negative.   She said it looked appalling and that I had a bad hairdresser and should find a new one.   I pointed out that I liked the way it was done and other people said it looked very nice.   This happens time and time again.   I keep the same style because I like it and it suits me but my mum hates it.   My friends and work colleagues all say it looks very good.

If they all say it looks good then it must be true and when I said to my mum that more than one person liked it and so that must count for something she did not comment.    I did not force them to say it looked nice.   They said it independently so I would like to say that their comments are correct and my mums comment is incorrect.   

I don't really care what my mum thinks because she is wrong, but I am puzzled as to why she would think she is correct and they are all wrong.   I have not had one negative comment from anyone else except my mum who said to me  "I am telling you the truth, and the truth is, your hair is appalling and you have a rotten hairdresser and should go somewhere else"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2012
In reply to: poster48
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 6:57pm
Yes I will chalk it up as her opinion which she has every right to. I feel good. Other people say I look good so thats all that matters really. My mum has no friends and no hobbies. She is isolated and alone in a care home. She does not live anywhere near me and my dad died a few years ago. I am an only child
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
In reply to: poster48
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 12:11pm

I can't help but wonder... what kind of relationship do you and your mom have? Does she make negative comments to you often or is it just this one thing? If it's not her habit to say negative things to you, then I'd chalk it up as her opinion that just happens to differ greatly from other opinions. If she is in the habit of criticizing you, then let it go and don't worry about it. The important thing is that YOU like it -- please yourself! :smileyhappy:

Miladyknight said it perfectly...

"If an opinion is expressed about you that interferes with your peace, you have the duty to reject it and not be bullied to someone else's way of thinking."

Enjoy your new hair style... Don't let the negativity take away your pleasure! When you feel that you look good, that confidence is YOURS, so wear it proudly! 

Community Leader
Registered: 12-21-2001
In reply to: poster48
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 12:48pm

Greetings poster48,

How do you deal positively with negative comments being thrown at you?

You are of an age of reason with some ideas about fashion and what looks good on you?  Do YOU like it?

My mother was the same even when I was over 40-:smileyfrustrated:  LOL  Tell her "thank you for your opinion." and that a gift certificate to a salon she would suggest for your next cut would be a nice gift. Be pleasant and off-handed.  As long as you are stressing-she's got you. Don't even try to puzzle out why she is saying what she is saying or question your friends and co-workers.

How long have you not lived near her, is she alone, does she have very many other activities, are you the youngest or only child?

I was the oldest, but the one away the longest. I'm not sure mother ever accepted I became an adult.

So how do you deal positively with negative comments?  Realize that everyone is entitled to their opinion but everyone is not entitled to express there opinion. ( often it's a question of good manners, if you don't have anything nice to say-say nothing.) If an opinion is expressed about you that interferes with your peace, you have the duty to reject it and not be bullied to someone else's way of thinking .

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