i need help....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-1999
i need help....
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 9:56am
I need to rebuild my confidence.... I have none right now. I need to regain my self-esteem.... it is the lowest ever since being a mother. I need to learn skills to remember things so I can follow through. I need to find, have and KEEP a "bottom line". What I stand for can't be changed day to day depending on how pressed I am for time, how I feel (my back pain) or how tired I may be. I need to do these things to set consistent boundaries for my boys- and me- so we all know what to expect.

As pathetic as this may sound, I don't know how to do these things.i need help....
Community Leader
Registered: 12-21-2001
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 8:17pm

Namaste loftyerd

You don't sound pathetic at all, you sound as if you have analyzed the problems, tried to find solutions but the entire thing has almost overwhelmed you. Am I right?

These are some suggestions.  You still need to listen to your body trying to push through the pain all the time will only result in being lower-flat on your back in the hospital. (Take it from someone who's been there.)

Find a teacher's supply store in your area, get a really big primary school lined chart, some colored markers, red, green and gold stars and tape.

One night, with the boys make lists of the things they need to do on a daily and weekly basis. (Such as who cleans the table and sweeps the floor for the week? Who take out the trash?) Make a chart for the week or month. (making the chart can also be a green star).

Making beds, clothes hung up, homework done before any electronic entertainment etc.= a green star for every chore done that week on time.

The right number of green stars for the week( chores accomplished) = a red star;  a month of red stars (sometimes you have 5 not 4 weeks and they will argue it-mine did)  equals a gold star. One or two gold stars (depending on the ages=a treat that does not always have to do with money.

When my boys reached their teens they would often earn their chore green stars then extra reds for doing things to help, I have Lupus and sometimes my accomplishments did changed from day to day depending on how I was feeling.

Don't even try to remember get a day planner and a box of pens-:smileywink: After several weeks of you writing down and them following their chart, you know what needs to be tweaked. If you don't have the money to buy things a sheet of paper on the wall with different ink marks for things done will do.  Sorry, you need at least the 'month at a glance' sheets for a planner with plenty of ruled sheets for notes and lists.

Let me know how it's working or not working for you and if you feel you are getting a handle on things?