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|Wed, 10-10-2012 - 10:00am|
Just thinking a lot last night and this morning about this board- the good and the bad of it. I love it that it is generally so open and currently there are people contributing from various stages of the Aland (beginning, middle of, ending). We welcome everyone at any stage and I think are pretty darn nonjudgmental and supportive. But here is the bad part of the board and I just wanted to put this out there mainly for the newbies. I thought of this after reading many of their posts the past week or so. And not that this is really BAD- it is something to just keep in mind with the board. A's cause so much turmoil and second guessing and basic overthinking of EVERYTHING in your life. Be careful not to apply everyone's individual experience and post directly to your life. Only YOU truly understand every single aspect of your situation. This board is great for advice and support- but you have to ultimately make the decision as to what is best for your relationship with your AP. At times during my A, I have read things on here and began obsessing that my AP must be doing or thinking certain "bad" things. It actually caused a couple of blow ups. Mainly because this A has made me feel pretty insecure at times what with the secrecy, my M problems, the divorce, AP still married, etc. His actions and words have always been the opposite of what my imagination could conjure up fueled by what I read on this board. When we had these blow ups he probably thought I was insane. We worked through it and he made me understand that in no way was he thinking or doing what I was imagining he was. Actually, if I would have just concentrated soley on what he was saying AND doing (JJ is so right that you HAVE to really look at his/her actions), then the blow ups would have never happened. So, I don't know if I'm making any sense what-so-ever. Just take a look at your individual situation before drawing connections between a post and what you think is or should be going on in your relationship. I guess that would be my newbie advice.