Moving forward as a single parent of three busy boys ...

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Moving forward as a single parent of three busy boys ...
Wed, 10-10-2012 - 5:13pm

Hi Girls,

I know it's been awhile since I've been here and with good reason.  My husband of 13+ years passed away in May.  My life has been turned upside down.  The healing hasn't even begun and there has been very little time for me to grieve with three busy boys around the house.

I took a leave of absence from work.  My employers were very accommodating to my request and very understanding.  We have often felt like family, so it was a big loss for them as well when R. passed away.  I am back to work now and have been for about three weeks or so.  The busy day to day routine keeps me distracted - which is always good, so I don't find myself falling into any kind of depression.

My heart breaks for my boys.  My oldest is 9 and my youngest is almost three.  Little Cole will never remember his dad.  His memories will soon fade of his daddy.  My 2nd son, Christian seems to block everything out, which at the moment is okay, but eventually it will catch up with him.  I discussed his emotions with him not long ago and he says he just doesn't want to be sad and cry.  My oldest is the most emotional.  His weak moments are at bedtime.  I will often find him looking at his photo albums of his dad and in tears.  I encourage him to cry, it's good for them to miss their dad - let it out.

As for me - all of my days are "okay days" filled with much sadness.  Not a day has gone by without tears at some point during the day.  It's hard.  I miss R. and I miss his touch, his smell and I'm lonely in the evenings.  All I can do is think about him when it's quiet time.  I've looked into counselling, but haven't had much luck.  The timing has been off or I haven't found the right group geared towards losing a spouse at a young age.

I see the All Boys board has joined another board.

Hopefully, I will be able to drop in more frequently.  I feel like I just dropped off the face of the earth here.  Sorry about that girls.  It's nice to see some friendly faces.

Shari ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 8:01am

Oh Shari, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dh.  My heart goes out to you and your boys.  There are no words at times like this, but please let us know if there is anything we can do.  Huge (((hugs))).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 10:30am

My heart just breaks for you and your boys. I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your husband. I'm keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that we are here for you. Gentle (((HUGS))) coming your way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005

Shari, I am so shocked that anyone would do something like that!  I hope your lawyer can help you out or that your mil comes to her senses.

As for us, we've just been busy with work and school.  I am starting a 2nd job next week, so things will get even busier, but it should be a big help financially.  The boys are doing well in school and seem to be enjoying it.  Lucas is still doing band and Alex is talking about joining a club, which is huge for him.  He seems to have made a really nice adjustment to HS.  Lucas has his permit so he's been driving me around a lot, which is super stressful for me, but he's doing well and is enjoying it.  We added a new furbaby to our family in August.  Her name is Ginny and she's probably some kind of terrier mix.  She is about 18 months old, 11 or 12 pounds, hairy and scraggly and adorable.  She is super friendly and happy and full of spunk.  She was in a kill shelter in Lousiana and due to be euthanized until she was brought up here by a local rescue group.  We adopted her about a month later.  Alex so needed this after losing Pippi last year, and it is wonderful to see him walking around with Ginny in his arms.  She lets him carry her like a baby.  It's just so cute!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Oh, Shari. How awful! I mean... I just have no words. I really hope that your attorney will be able to put up a good fight for you. That's just so very wrong and is not something you should ever have to deal with. :smileysad:

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Sheri, I am so sorry. I wish I could do something for you and your boys. How sad that your mil is being so selfish. I hope it gets worked out asap!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!