just got married and want a baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2012
just got married and want a baby
2
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 4:59pm

hi all,

i got married over the summer to the love of my life.  we've been together for 3 years, and have been out of college for over a year.  baby fever is hitting me pretty hard, but my husband thinks we should wait a couple of years, get a house, save money, all that boring adult stuff lol.  we both have good jobs and could easily handle a baby, should we wait or just go for it and see what happens?  

grace 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2011
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 1:07pm
Congratulations on being a newlywed! Unless you anticipate having a hard time getting pregnant, I would wait a while before actively trying for a pregnancy. Here's why: 1: give your marriage time to settle and get comfortable after the wedding. I've known DH for 4.5 years before the wedding and we lived together for about 6 months but all that was just a taste of marriage. I am very glad we first figured out how our marriage worked before we added the stress and sleep deprivation that comes with being a first time parent. 2: do the things you want to do just two of you. Those vacations you want to take, go to the movies, see your friends, etc. most of these things can be a challenge with a baby in tow. Our social life is drastically different and doesn't really revolve around what we want but what DD can handle. 3: get into housing you would be comfortable in for a while. Moving is never fun and it's a whole other thing with a baby/young toddler. After they get through the sleepy newborn stage, most babies tend to be creatures of habit. Moving can be stressful for them and can interfere with sleeping for a while among other things. 4: babies can be fairly cheap if you breastfeed, use cloth diapers and get hand-me-downs or shop for secondhand clothes. Formula and disposable diapers can get costly though and you have to remember that this cost will come out of you reduced earnings on maternity leave. It's a good idea to make a budget based on your maternity income and save the excess for help with baby startup costs. Also look into how long a maternity leave you'd get and what your options may be to extend it if you feel the need to stay home longer. 5: ensure you and your spouse both have life insurance. In case the unthinkable happens, it's best to have a safety net to ensure the child will have his/her basic needs covered. I'm not trying to take the wind out of your sails but these are important things to keep in mind. It sounds like your DH is looking ahead to make things easier in the long run, which is nice. I understand the longing for a little one but if you're fairly young and reasonably healthy, then a year won't make a huge difference. Maybe you and DH could compromise: wait 1 year not two, save while using your maternity budget and move when you are pregnant. Becoming a first time mom is rough. Pregnancy can be tough and once baby gets here, it's a steep learning curve. There will be lost sleep, pain, and fatigue. There will also be lots of joy that will make it all worthwhile. I think it's smart to get ready for a while... Think of it as an investment. I wish you good luck! I have an 18 month old and am yearning to be pregnant again. But I promised myself that I will have good sleep for a month before I'm willing to endure the hit-by-a-freight-train fatigue of the first trimester of pregnancy. Once DD is up only once a night most of the time, I'll be willing to risk it (or her second birthday... But hopefully the sleep will come first lol). Sorry this post is all over the place; it was written in installments :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2011
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 7:17pm
Congratulations on being a newlywed! Unless you anticipate having a hard time getting pregnant, I would wait a while before actively trying for a pregnancy. Here's why: 1: give your marriage time to settle and get comfortable after the wedding. I've known DH for 4.5 years before the wedding and we lived together for about 6 months but all that was just a taste of marriage. I am very glad we first figured out how our marriage worked before we added the stress and sleep deprivation that comes with being a first time parent. 2: do the things you want to do just two of you. Those vacations you want to take, go to the movies, see your friends, etc. most of these things can be a challenge with a baby in tow. Our social life is drastically different and doesn't really revolve around what we want but what DD can handle. 3: get into housing you would be comfortable in for a while. Moving is never fun and it's a whole other thing with a baby/young toddler. After they get through the sleepy newborn stage, most babies tend to be creatures of habit. Moving can be stressful for them and can interfere with sleeping for a while among other things. 4: babies can be fairly cheap if you breastfeed, use cloth diapers and get hand-me-downs or shop for secondhand clothes. Formula and disposable diapers can get costly though and you have to remember that this cost will come out of you reduced earnings on maternity leave. It's a good idea to make a budget based on your maternity income and save the excess for help with baby startup costs. Also look into how long a maternity leave you'd get and what your options may be to extend it if you feel the need to stay home longer. 5: ensure you and your spouse both have life insurance. In case the unthinkable happens, it's best to have a safety net to ensure the child will have his/her basic needs covered. I'm not trying to take the wind out of your sails but these are important things to keep in mind. It sounds like your DH is looking ahead to make things easier in the long run, which is nice. I understand the longing for a little one but if you're fairly young and reasonably healthy, then a year won't make a huge difference. Maybe you and DH could compromise: wait 1 year not two, save while using your maternity budget and move when you are pregnant. Becoming a first time mom is rough. Pregnancy can be tough and once baby gets here, it's a steep learning curve. There will be lost sleep, pain, and fatigue. There will also be lots of joy that will make it all worthwhile. I think it's smart to get ready for a while... Think of it as an investment. I wish you good luck! I have an 18 month old and am yearning to be pregnant again. But I promised myself that I will have good sleep for a month before I'm willing to endure the hit-by-a-freight-train fatigue of the first trimester of pregnancy. Once DD is up only once a night most of the time, I'll be willing to risk it (or her second birthday... But hopefully the sleep will come first lol). Sorry this post is all over the place; it was written in installments :-)