Been divorced 2 years and thinking about getting back together

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2002
Been divorced 2 years and thinking about getting back together
8
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 9:18pm

My ex husband and I have been divored for 2 years. I left him because I just wasn't happy with my life with him and some of the ways he treated me and our son. We have remained friends and still like to do thing together with our son like going to the zoo and eating dinner out together. I figured over time I would move on and maybe find someone new but it just hasn't happened. I still care deeply for my ex and he has told me he still has feeling for me. I am thinking about giving it another shot with him. I think with some consouling we took make it work. I biggest hold back to getting back with him is my family they never really liked him and were extremely happy when we divorced. I don't want to disappoint my family by going back with him but I still love him and want to make it work. Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Sounds like he's realized what he's lost and wants to turn over a new leaf. You could always get back together on a trial basis for like 6 months and see if he's really changed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2002

Thanks everyone for the impute. I think we are both in good places in our lifes, we both have grown up alittle bit and grew as individuals. Over the years we have decided why we divorced and he has apolgize for his treatment of me and our son. I think he would go to counsoling with me if I asked. I really think things would be different now. Plus he knows now that I am not afraid to leave again if he goings back to his old ways.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Hi,

As others have observed here you haven't really "moved on" because you haven't let go of your EX nor has he let go of you. So, there's no incentive to find another partner. You've all ready got one!

Secondly, it's probably pretty comfortable for the two of you because you a)know each other and most importantly parent a child together, and b)you're not living together. The brief explanation you provided about why you left your marriage tells me that every day face-to-face was an issue. Separations are often beneficial because it takes the stress of daily face offs out of the picture.

If you choose to pursue a reunion you should employ the services of an experienced marriage and family counselor. You've got two issues: why you broke up between you and he; and your family's dislike of him. Even if the two of you can work out your differences and cohabitat under the same roof, you're going to have to learn how to set boundaries with your family and talk to them about your relationship with your EX. That's not going to change.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

If you had said that you wanted a divorce because you found another guy or were just kind of bored with your DH, then I would say go for it, but you say 1) it was about how he treated you & your son and 2) your family didn't like him--I wonder if that's because they saw that he was treating you badly.  You know it's easy to be on good behavior on a day at the zoo or going out to dinner.  Could he sustain that every day or would he go back to his old ways?  What has he done that would make you think he has any insight into his old behavior & wouldn't do it again?  I do agree you should go to counseling before you decide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I agree with McPayton.. I wouldnt jump into anything with an ex so fast and I would def. go to counseling and tell him he has to go with you..

I would think you would have to resolve the issues about why you got divorced because if you dont solve that you will just repeat the cycle again and its more heartache down the road..

What made you break up in first place? Are you both better people willing to compromise and work on your issues?? Are you in better places so to speak with your lives?? I would ask the hard questions??

Let us know how it goes??

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
If you still love each other, it's worth the effort to try. I still say going to counseling first is a good idea, though. I hope everything works out; let us know how it goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2002

He lives an hour away so I have had my own  life without him. I have dated a few different guys and he has had a few girlfriends. We have been living our own lives and have tried to move on but I don't thing either one of us really wants too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000

I think you haven't moved on because you are still going out and doing things with him.  If I were you, I'd go to councilling together FIRST to see if you could work on the issues that caused the divorce in the first place.  It would be really hard for you, and your son, if you started dating him again only to have it blow up in your face later.  I understand your feelings, as I spent pretty much my entire adult life up to now with one person, and it's really scary to think about not having him around, even though I can't stand being around him!   Have you spent any significant time with your friends, gone out and done things alone, and made a life separate from him?  Whether you decide to try again with him or not, this is really important for you to do; being a person separate from being his wife, ex-wife, and mom is so vital; I have discovered this myself, when I was alone and had no life beyond my kids, the ex, and work.  Now, even if I find Mr. wonderful, I'm going to keep my life this time, not make my life revolve around another person and our small family group.  

As for disappointing your family?  If you go through therapy and decide you love each other and can work things out, and you are happy, they should accept that.  You have to make yourself happy first, so long as doing so isn't hurting anyone else or illegal, hehe.  My little sister made me cry when she told me she never liked my ex anyway and supported me 100%, but if I changed my mind and got back together with him, she was also behind me 100%.  When people love you, they support you even if they think you're an idiot!  I know I do it for my family, lol.