For those who've had a m/c do you mourn the loss again around the due date?

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katizma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
For those who've had a m/c do you mourn the loss again around the due date?
6
 Thu, 10-11-2012 - 9:42pm

I would be 35 weeks now if I didn't take a bad birth control that was recalled nationally... I shouldn't have even had to experience the loss in the first place because I trusted it'd work. I had surgery on 4/26 for a missed miscarriage. But either way I'd be 35 weeks and due next month. I dread November right now. I feel like I shouldn't read the once in awhile e-mail updates they torture me. I don't check my old e-mail because of all of the pregnancy spam I get from several websites. But it is hard and when I do and especially today I get very down again knowing right now I'd be packing bags and getting ready to meet the baby anytime now. I know its a bit stupid or I think it is because I got pregnant right away because I refused birth control after my first experience on the stuff... and I know I will have a baby in April but for some reason I get a bit mournful and sad. I was actually crying earlier over it. Is this a normal process do women feel sadder about a loss or more mournful around the time of their due date for the lost baby? I figured someone here might know more? Thanks

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loui50
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
In reply to: katizma
Re: For those who've had a m/c do you mourn the loss again aroun
 Fri, 10-12-2012 - 8:02am

I had a m/c in Dec of 2009.  I cried like a baby in July when I would have been due.  More than once I broke down around the due date.  I was also pregnant again with my DS.  I think it is perfectly normal to morn again.  I had trouble the following December too, on the date I miscarried.  It does get easier with time.  Now I think about it like this, if I had not lost that pregnancy I wouldn't have my DS and I love him SOO much!  I couldn't imagine my life any other way.  I still think about the loss every July and every December, but I don't get upset.  I just think how lucky I am to have my son!  I'm sorry for your loss.



chpfife
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2011
In reply to: katizma
Re: For those who've had a m/c do you mourn the loss again aroun
 Fri, 10-12-2012 - 12:37pm

i have never had a miscarriage, but after losing my son i met a lot of women in support group tye settings that had and they all talked about feeling that way on the due date and for what should have been birthday for many years after. losing a child is really hard nomatter when the loss happens. how you feel is completely normal. and i totally get how you feel with the email thing. i get them every one in a while that say your baby is (fill in the blank) months old, this is what should be happening etc. and it just breaks my heart to see those and know im not experiencing these things with him. its a tough road and being pregnant with a new baby that wouldnt be here if the other had made it makes it so much more emotional and hard!

doctormom03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2012
In reply to: katizma
Re: For those who've had a m/c do you mourn the loss again aroun
 Sun, 10-14-2012 - 10:09pm
I've had four miscarriages and the hardest would-be due date was that of the first loss because when it came around, I still wasn't pregnant again due to infertility and I had no living children at the time. When the due date for the second loss came around, I was heavily pregnant again, and when the due date for my third loss came, I already had one living child and was very pregnant again, so it was easier. The due date for my fourth loss is coming up on 11/14, but I am pregnant again and already have three living children, so again, it is easier. The hardest anniversary was definitely the one that came when I was un-pregnant and without any living children. And the first year is the toughest. I don't feel sad annually on the due dates of my losses anymore after the first year. Hang in there--November will be over before you know it.

Dyan

Due May 1, 2013 by ultrasound (April 27, 2013 by LMP)

Married DH 12/27/99

Mom to DD 9, DD 6, DS 3

PCOS; 4 miscarriages

katizma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2012
In reply to: katizma
Re: For those who've had a m/c do you mourn the loss again aroun
 Mon, 10-15-2012 - 5:06am
TY guys for helping me validate that. I also get nervous almost anxiety ridden the night before prenatal appointments thinking we wont hear the heart. I ordered an at home doppler it should be here tomorrow. I have an appointment in the afternoon and it is 2am and I cannot sleep... It is very hard having a m/c and I feel so sorry for the ladies who have been through many. My mom went through 5 total before having me including an ectopic where she lost her ovary and fallopian tube I believe. I just didn't want to ask her about it. She seemed very desensitized when she mentioned it prior and it kind of bothers her so since she's disabled I just don't bring up stressful topics.
chpfife
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2011
In reply to: chpfife
Re: For those who've had a m/c do you mourn the loss again aroun
 Mon, 10-15-2012 - 2:23pm
i get the same anxiety before appointments, like something is definitely going to be wrong. hoping that anxiety eases up a little for both of us !
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