I told him I love him, his response is kinda confusing..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
I told him I love him, his response is kinda confusing..
16
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 9:48pm
So there is this guy I've been dating about a year and a half now, we live in different states, see each other every couple months. We are not a couple, although we enjoy each other very much and definitely feeling each other we are kinda just going with the flow. In the past we've talked about having children(he brought it up) about moving close to each other (he brought it up) he calls me wifey and sometimes his last name, I call him future husband, as u can see we are very corny lol. Anyways, I'm really falling for this man, he knows it, I tell him all the time. I know he likes me a lot as well. Well the other day we were texting each other. I can be very silly so I said "oh..my..god..! I think..I love you?!..this is weird..how's is this possible? I'm confused" very dramatic, I know lol, his response was "Your silly...I love ya too Ms.white lol" I'm confused on the I love "you" verses "ya" is there a difference? I mean it's not like we were ending a convo saying "ok love ya, love ya too" no, I was telling him I LOVE him.. What do y'all think? Was he indeed saying the same thing Orr something else, or am I looking too much into it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012

yes, there is a subtle difference. "ya" is playful and he put "lol" in the end. We are all guilty of doing the "lol" thing at the end when we dont want to come off as too serious. how old is he? He may be having commitment issues at an earlier age and this serious talk is hitting him like a bag of bricks and he is responding with the only defensive mechanism he has.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

The way you put in in text and having those other questions after it (I'm confused) really sounds like you are making a joke about it.  I think you have to be in person and actually tell him that you are in love with him (not I think...I'm confused...) and have a talk about where this relationship is going.  You have both been beating around the bush and kind of joking about the future.  Back when I was in my early 20's I was seriously dating a guy & we'd have these conversations like "I'm not ready to get married but I could see myself marrying you."  It was kind of testing the waters.  We ended up breaking up, not getting married at all.  I could see that if you're both young--if you're older though at some point you want to stop just going with the flow--unless you could see yourself doing that indefinitely.  Even if you are young, if you do want to get married & having kids as a goal, you want to know if he is on the same page and you both should be heading toward moving closer so you can see if you can progress.  Otherwise, better to find out now so you aren't wasting more of each other's time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Yea I figured that kinda too,He's 29 and
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Totally agree, i just turned 30 last month, he is 29..we have def been around the bush. I think he's scared or not quite sure what he wants. I told him tell me, what do you want? Friends, to date more, haven't found the one yet, what is it!!! He sad he is just waiting for me to act right..smh that's not true he is just stalling for whatever reason I have no idea..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Waiting for you to act right?  What does that even mean?  Sorry, the guy is 29--by now he should be able to decide what he wants, or you should just stop wasting your time with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Well "the act right" thing is something we joke around with. My thing is he knows even tho I told him I loved him the way I did, he knows I was dead serious, so to say "I love ya too" I'm like love ya? What? And the lol is him laughing at how I told him. I agree he needs to get it together, I don't want to waste time anymore, which I've told him! Sm...he's the one confused obviously. Thanks for the advice :smileyhappy:
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012

yep, i think we have this solved. It's a shame that your ages are mismatched. This is why its more proper for the male to be older in a relationship. For you, youre getting serious because your biological clock to making healthy offspring is starting to count down, for him, he has almost a whole decade to be ready, mentally and financially to start a family. He's stalling, but you also have to realize that if this relationship is going nowhere, all that you are doing is putting your life on hold for someone else.

I was in a lengthy relationship when I was 20-23 and she proposed marriage when I was not ready. I told her that and we eventually parted realizing that it not the proper thing to put one individual's life on hold for another.

The only question is how long. If it takes another year then it may be worth a risk, if he feels that in a year you will still be on the same terms, then what is the point? Youre only wasting time when you could be out looking for the more proper partner. Dating in these ages gets serious, its not that high school or college mentality where you are good friends and you just experiment around with feelings and possible love, not fully thinking about serious adult life.

 

Edit: 5 years later, she is married now and trying for a baby. I am truely happy for her and am reassured in knowing that the decision made was proper, not just for myself, but for her. 

Another major point is the whole out of state factor. Can that even work? Is he or are you willing to take that risk, to pack up, change your life and move in together to make this happen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Yess you are completely right, he is def stalling and I don't want to waste my time if he does not want or is not sure on making anything serious. My thing is, I made sure I NEVER brought anything serious up, he was the one bringing up children more than once,(he has a 10yr old daughter already) he is the one that mentioned moving more than once. So I have been analyzing his words and actions this whole time, theeeen i decided to throw that "L" word out there. I'd move for him definetly, at least closer . But we will see, I try to stop contact,and pretend as if he does not exist once I start feeling he may not be ready, just so my feelings do not get anymore stronger than what they are. I've told him before that I was done, and that I wish he would figure out what he wanted because he know. Wan to be with him and that I'm not wasting my time anymore and to contact me when he figures it out..I told him that word for word. He replied "I'm sorry you feel that way, you know where to find me " (he also said more but to keep it short) 7days later, without me even saying a word to him, he texted me and said "just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you" AHHHHHH then that's how me pulled me back into his confused web.. Smh
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Their ages are mismatched?  She is only 1 yr older than he is.  My exH is 2.5 yrs younger than me and I really never thought about it being a difference. 

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