I told him I love him, his response is kinda confusing..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
I told him I love him, his response is kinda confusing..
16
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 9:48pm
So there is this guy I've been dating about a year and a half now, we live in different states, see each other every couple months. We are not a couple, although we enjoy each other very much and definitely feeling each other we are kinda just going with the flow. In the past we've talked about having children(he brought it up) about moving close to each other (he brought it up) he calls me wifey and sometimes his last name, I call him future husband, as u can see we are very corny lol. Anyways, I'm really falling for this man, he knows it, I tell him all the time. I know he likes me a lot as well. Well the other day we were texting each other. I can be very silly so I said "oh..my..god..! I think..I love you?!..this is weird..how's is this possible? I'm confused" very dramatic, I know lol, his response was "Your silly...I love ya too Ms.white lol" I'm confused on the I love "you" verses "ya" is there a difference? I mean it's not like we were ending a convo saying "ok love ya, love ya too" no, I was telling him I LOVE him.. What do y'all think? Was he indeed saying the same thing Orr something else, or am I looking too much into it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012

Maybe your guy just turned it into a joke because he had no idea how to react when you said it. Besides, saying it on the phone is not the best way to sense his emotional response. Engage in a more serious conversation with him and asked him about his real feelings... 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2012

I suggest you should follow your emotions. Go with the flow with this guy, test him emotionally and see how he reacts. I like guys that lead the relationship and that reacts and feels my emotions. You should make him feel that you didn't really like this "ya". See how he reacts. 

What do you think?

Sofia

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
^^^true :smileyhappy:
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012

I don't mean mismatched for a relationship. Not that there are younger mature men in their 20s, and not that relationships could be fulfilling if ages are mismatched. I meant in terms of settling down. Men are more comfortable with serious settling down when they are in their early 30s.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

And now that I've already had my children I guess I could get a boy toy like Jennifer Lopez or Madonna.  lol  Seriously I'd have no problem dating a younger man (like 10 yrs) but I wouldn't go for someone young enough to be my son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Actually, not all women worry about the "biological clock" - some don't want children at all.  And since women on the average live 3 - 5 years longer than men, we really should marry younger men to avoid prolonged widowhood! 

That the man should be older than the woman in a relationship is over-generalization and total hogwash!

(To put things in perspective, I have dated men over ten years younger and over ten years older.  I ended up marrying someone older because of we share a long list of the same hobbies/interests.  Some of the younger men, hoever,  were just as mature and redy to settle down).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Their ages are mismatched?  She is only 1 yr older than he is.  My exH is 2.5 yrs younger than me and I really never thought about it being a difference. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Yess you are completely right, he is def stalling and I don't want to waste my time if he does not want or is not sure on making anything serious. My thing is, I made sure I NEVER brought anything serious up, he was the one bringing up children more than once,(he has a 10yr old daughter already) he is the one that mentioned moving more than once. So I have been analyzing his words and actions this whole time, theeeen i decided to throw that "L" word out there. I'd move for him definetly, at least closer . But we will see, I try to stop contact,and pretend as if he does not exist once I start feeling he may not be ready, just so my feelings do not get anymore stronger than what they are. I've told him before that I was done, and that I wish he would figure out what he wanted because he know. Wan to be with him and that I'm not wasting my time anymore and to contact me when he figures it out..I told him that word for word. He replied "I'm sorry you feel that way, you know where to find me " (he also said more but to keep it short) 7days later, without me even saying a word to him, he texted me and said "just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you" AHHHHHH then that's how me pulled me back into his confused web.. Smh
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012

yep, i think we have this solved. It's a shame that your ages are mismatched. This is why its more proper for the male to be older in a relationship. For you, youre getting serious because your biological clock to making healthy offspring is starting to count down, for him, he has almost a whole decade to be ready, mentally and financially to start a family. He's stalling, but you also have to realize that if this relationship is going nowhere, all that you are doing is putting your life on hold for someone else.

I was in a lengthy relationship when I was 20-23 and she proposed marriage when I was not ready. I told her that and we eventually parted realizing that it not the proper thing to put one individual's life on hold for another.

The only question is how long. If it takes another year then it may be worth a risk, if he feels that in a year you will still be on the same terms, then what is the point? Youre only wasting time when you could be out looking for the more proper partner. Dating in these ages gets serious, its not that high school or college mentality where you are good friends and you just experiment around with feelings and possible love, not fully thinking about serious adult life.

 

Edit: 5 years later, she is married now and trying for a baby. I am truely happy for her and am reassured in knowing that the decision made was proper, not just for myself, but for her. 

Another major point is the whole out of state factor. Can that even work? Is he or are you willing to take that risk, to pack up, change your life and move in together to make this happen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Well "the act right" thing is something we joke around with. My thing is he knows even tho I told him I loved him the way I did, he knows I was dead serious, so to say "I love ya too" I'm like love ya? What? And the lol is him laughing at how I told him. I agree he needs to get it together, I don't want to waste time anymore, which I've told him! Sm...he's the one confused obviously. Thanks for the advice :smileyhappy:

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