Groups on Long Island for Single Moms & their kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
Groups on Long Island for Single Moms & their kids?
2
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 11:19pm

I am preparing for my husband to leave and am anticipating being very lonely.  I am anxious and the kids are sensing it.  I have revolved my entire life around my little family unit so his absence at night has been very hard.  He's been spending time out at night before he leaves to get the kids used to his absence before he actually moves out.  I'm so upset-- didn't think I'd be! 

Anyhow... before he actually leaves I would like to "get it together" for the kids sake.  It will be hard for them and I need to find some friends for us in a similar situation.  Need some support.  Cant talk to mom-- she's in denial.  Keeps acting like I didn't tell her we are breaking up after the holidays.  Cant talk to sister 1, cuz I just can't.  Can't talk to sister 2 because I told her what's going on and she used the situation to back me into a corner on something she needed from me, work related, that i didn't want to do and she actually said "I don't think you're in any position to turn down work". Uggg - how sensitive!  I will miss my husband. He is my only friend and the only one I have to talk to.

We are separating because I lost ALL sex drive after I went into menopause 4 years ago - went through the motions for a while anyway, and eventually had to cut him off completely 9 mths ago b/c I just couldn't do it anymore.  Well, understandably, he has found someone else.  Has not acted on it yet, but there is "a coal on the iron" so to speak.  I have given him the OK to date her in the meantime (but I am having a very HARD time with that -- I feel sick to my stomach every time he goes out.  He hasnt gone out with her yet, but I know the night will come when he does.  That's gonna be a doozy!)  He plans to leave in February, after my son's bday.  We want them to have one more year of normal holidays and bdays.

Anyhow... i strayed off subject. Really feel like we could use a support group.  Would love something we could all do together... where my kids could meet other kids in the same boat so they don't feel like the only ones in the situation.  Strangely I have been unable to find any such thing on google.  I would think this would be something alot of women need.  Its all internet dating for single moms!  Good luck to me finding someone who wants to date but not have sex!!!

Anybody know of any groups- would be really helpful.   

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Hi and first off I would say not to mention where you live or where you are?. I think its def. for safety reasons..

Second.. I live on Long Island but I am probably much older than you.. I dont have little kids but have you heard  of Parents Without Partners? Not sure where they are in your area but google  them and see what comes up..  Its an organization stricly for moms with children and I hear it is really nice. They probably even have a Halloween party coming up...

Also check out your local chamber of commerce or library... and ask someone there where a single mother might go.................. They do offer free things at the library for families.. There are tons of things you can do and you just have to find the right venue..

I also wanted to tell you that if I were you and I am n ot I wouldnt give my husband permission to see other people right now.. He should be a grown up and wait until you guys sep.. May I suggest a sep. and divorce group for you also.. ?Are you in therapy? I would also highly recommend that for your own emotional health. You are going to need support and if your family is not there for you then you need help from outside sources to help you cope..

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Have you tried meetup.com?  They have all kinds of groups.  I am in one for single parents & they do things with & w/o kids.  (I'm not on LI).  Also I don't know how old your kids are but how about doing things with the school, like PTA where you could meet other parents--they won't all be divorced, but it could expand your circle of friends.  Or look for a woman's group where you can make friends for yourself.  I assume that your DH will be spending some time w/ the kids w/o you & you'll need to find things to do to occupy your free time.  I joined the American Associaion for University Women--you do have to be at least a 2 yr college grad to join but other than that it's open to any women.  It's a national organization with local branches--I met some really nice women there.

I also think it's very sad that you just accepted that you had no sex drive after menopause--did you consult w/ your gyn to see if there was anything you could do?  I've heard that sometimes they put women on a low dose of testosterone to bring back their sex drive--I don't know if there are other things.  Honestly it will be hard for you to find someone to "date" (as opposed to just being friends) with a guy and telling him that you have no interest in sex--unless you can find a guy who has no sex drive or is impotent.  I'm 55 & going through menopause & I have the opposite problem--I still have a high (or at least average) sex drive but no man!  I just wouldn't accept that at this age, sex would be over for me unless I had tried medical avenues and they said there was nothing they could do.  I also wonder if that's your only problem, if you could do something to get it back whether you & your DH could work things out--you have some time since he doesn't plan to leave right away.  I also don't know if I could stand knowing that my DH was dating while we were still living together.  When my ex & I got divorced, our DD was young so we also wanted to wait til after Christmas.  I don't know if he was doing anything or not but I certainly wouldn't tell him it was ok.