Can't understand his way of thinking?
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|Fri, 10-12-2012 - 9:27am|
I am in 2nd marraige. We both have a son. His son moved out at 14 and went to his mum after we confronted him about money going missing from my house. We moved into hubby's house, original plan was to move a wall to make to similar size rooms for the boys, however as hubby's son had moved out we didn't go ahead with this. Move on 5 years and hubbys son moved back in with us this April. He has the smallest room.
He has a little half sister and his mum spoils her whilst he got very little. He does have history of selling belongings and theft but my hubby always saw it as his son being left out.
About 3 years ago we decorated the small bedroom as a room for his son. New bed and completely re painted, new curtains new bedding. Since he moved back in we have bought new wardrobe and shelves.
We have just redecorated my sons room, the last in the house, apart from a quick lick of paint when we moved in. He had a new wardrobe a year or so ago as he had hubby's old massive wardrobe which was too big really.
My hubby has a little problem every time I want to do something for my son.
This may route from my attitude early on in the relationship when I got upset because hubby announced he was giving his son spending money for a trip with his mates dad (who we suspected of dealing drugs) and his mates to holland. I told him I he should have discussed it with me 1st (joint finances). I will admit that early on I didn't agree with spending money for trips like this or new clothes for parties, particularly when we only saw him near christmas or when he wanted something.
I had quite alot of counselling and amended my attitude and built a good relationship with stepson. I haven't made an issue about anything my hubby feels is right for his son for approx 2 years now. However his attitude has not changed.
When I told him my Son had asked if we were decorating his room his reply was 'hope you told him to take a running jump'. I argued that every room in the house had been done to a high standard and his not. That his ceiling was the only one not to be skimmed and we had painted it quite dull colours where the rest of the house was light and airy. He agreed we could decorate. I wanted to knock a cupboard out and put built in drawers as we had in our room, he objected to this ... I agreed on this one as he said he had spent quite a bit some years ago putting new doors on this cupboard.
We had a massive row when I replaced the wardrobe the other year because he might have wanted it for his sons room ... he was staying with us at the time ... I said he could have it for his sons room and I would find another but had got the impression his son didn't want it .... once I agreed to pay for it from my sons savings the argument was resolved. Before we decorated and after an argument it was agreed a small double bed would replace the old ‘cheap’ single I had bought in my old house. Now when it has come to actually buying the bed hubby has turned round and said he disagrees with my justification for buying him a bigger bed…. I told him he had already agreed and although he may be happy to go back on his word I was not going to do that with my son. He said it wasn’t fair on his son because he couldn’t fit one in his room. I asked if he was going to apply the same philosophy to the driving lessons he was thinking of getting his son for Christmas. He wouldn’t answer that question !!! Anyway it was left at I will not go back on my word to my son.
The bed arrived yesterday and today hubby is texting me saying thanks because he now has to justify to his son why my son has a bigger bed !!!!!
I told him we don’t have to justify anything to his son and if it was a problem I am quite happy to talk to him. He said it would turn them against each other. I said I didn’t think so otherwise my son would have spat his dummy when his son was allowed to sign up to college 1 day a week and come and go as he pleases when we wouldn’t tolerate that from my son.
I am seriously weary of having to justify everything I want to do for my son because he begrudges it financially and because his son isn’t getting it !!!
Any opinions please …….