After miscarriage.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
After miscarriage.....
4
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 12:36pm

Hello all... I am new to the board,

my husband and I have recently had 4 miscarriages in the last 1 1/2 years.... One of those was twins.... My question is this

what is the way you found to get over the pain?  I am still having issues with being emotional over them, every time I see a pregnant woman, or hear a co-worker talk about her pregnancy it feels like my heart is being ripped out.

I don't know if it is compounded by the fact that we will probably not have a child due to infertility issues and our age... But I cannot seem to get over the grief.

 

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2012
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 8:49pm

I am so sorry about your losses, loosing a baby is such a horrible feeling.  It is completely normal to feel angry... I had to go to my OB's office 3 times right after my loss to make sure my body was okay, and i was SO angry.  Watching all the pregnant mothers holding their bellies excited for their appointments, while I'm sitting in the office miscarrying made me so mad.  My best friend got kind of upset with me saying "its not their fault" and i knew that... just still its like I was so jealous/angry/hurt.  Time is the only thing that helped, over time I stopped crying as much, I stopped getting angry everytime I saw someone who was pregnant.  I still miss my baby so much... The pain is definitely not gone, and will probably never be.... but I'm better.  I also found comfort in music- I found a bunch of songs that are about healing through the loss of a pregnancy.  I know some people find it worse to listen to songs about it, but for me it gave me an outlet, something to just let go and cry. You came to the perfect place, noone here judges and everyone understands your pain.  This was actually probably the biggest thing that helped me with the pain.  Coming gave me the outlet I needed to say whatever I felt and be able to vent, because many people who havnt been through it do not understand and can even say things that hurt.   I hope you find healing and I'll be sending many prayers your way. 

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 11:21pm

I am so sorry for your losses!  :smileysad:

I have, had 2 losses, in a row, in the last 9 months & I am still getting over, my last loss (in June).

The things that I tell myself, is not to give up, after all these years of losses, doctors are still not sure "why" m/c's happen.  It's a big mystery & I have faith that ultimately God will decide if he wants that child on earth.

A good book I read of recurrent m/c, is "Coming to Term" by Jon Cohen.  He does alot of research about it and has his own tale of struggles his wife and him have gone thru, to have a second child.

And I have read sooooo many stories, on this board and other boards, about women struggling to have a child, also endurring numerous m/c's......just to get pregnant by surprise and give birth to a healthy child. After I had my second loss, my MIL told me of someone who had 5 losses, then gave birth to a healthy child.

There's really no rhyme or reason to 'why', but I feel if you have a strong desire, in your heart, to have a child, don't give up hope.....prayers for you for healing & peace.  :heart:

 

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 11:23am

Thank you both.... It is good to know that someone has felt like I do.

It is such a bad feeling being angry/jealous/and sad every time I see a pregnant woman. I am not a hateful person, and can't stand feeling that way.  It is extremely difficult to sit in the room with a co-worker and listen to her talk about her pregnancy for sometimes up to 12 hours... And yes it is almost all she talks about!  I don't know how to politely tell her that I am sure she is happy, but it is making me miserable hearing about it.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 11:12am

your feelings are very normal, let yourself feel them & don't be hard on yourself for feeling the way you do, it's a natuaral part of grieving.  :heart:

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend