Ughhh and the drama begins AGAIN!
Find a Conversation
|Fri, 10-12-2012 - 2:02pm|
So here is the story:
FIL has started the process of creating a "trust" to leave behind his wealth for his 3 kids. He has also been wishing that his kids identify ways in which to grow the family wealth - by finding new investment opportunities. DH identified a a property that he wanted to invest in. He asked FIL and his brother and another investor if they'd like to put in $$. They said yes and they're working at trying to acquire the property. SIL (DH's sister) found out and is REALLY upset that she wasnt included. She sent an email to FIL alleging that he always favors his sons and does everything for them and nothing for her. Examples she included in the email includes things like:
- Why FIL and MIL spend more time with my 11 month old and not her two kids (we live 15 min from inlaws while she lives 7 hours away)
- Why FIL and MIL never offered to babysit the kids and encourage SIL and her husband to take a vacation? (FIL&MIL always offered to babysit their 4 yr old when she was younger (I have witnessed this many times) but she was very attached to her dad. Both SIL and BIL never left her with inlaws even when offered because they didnt feel comfortable seeing her in tears when they left. DH and Ihave a different parenting approach since our daughter goes to day care and we're perfect okay with some parting tears.
- Why FIL/MIL gave more $$ for a housewarming present to me and DH and less to her and her DH? (She bought a house 10 years before me and DH because they're older and got married at a younger age. I don't know what they gave her as a housewarming present so don't have a )
- Why FIL didn't pay a penny for mine and DH's wedding reception but then in earlier years had asked SIL's inlaws to foot 50% of the reception bill eventhough he was the fatherof the bride. (In our culture, bride's side pays for the wedding and groom's side for the reception.)
- Why FIL did not help SIL start a business? (He already has a successful business. He did offer her support. She decided she didnt want to put the extra hours and would rather focus on her kids since her DH had a good job that could support the both of them. It was her decision.)
These are just some of the examples. I could go on and on.
FIL called SIL's husband to get him to try to explain to his wife and SIL's husband flipped out on him and told him that he should learn to treat his kids equally. He also called DH's brother and told him that he should stand up for his sister against his father. He is now stirring the pot by also alleging that my MIL/FIL treat BIL's (DH's brother) wife badly. (this is only partially true in my opinion. I would concede that MIL was obnoxious to BIL's wife in the beginning years of their marriage but that I have noticed that things have improved and they have reached a pretty normal medium where both know each other's spaces).
My dilemma in this is that although SIL and BIL have not said anything directly over the years, their indirect message is that somehow we are being favored and treated better than we should be. I feel resentful. I feel angry that they continue to compare my daughter and her relationship with her grandparents with their kids relationships. And the problem is that they never tell us this directly! Perhaps its because they know that its not that easy to bully me and DH. (Well, it is easy to bully DH but not when it comes to any issue regarding our daughter because he is fiercely protective of her.)
What should I do? For the last couple of years, I have chosen to ignore the comments. I have heard SIL accuse inlaws of favoring us over them in verbal fights where I have played the part of a listener (never uttering a word since SIL and her DH getreally aggravated and its hard to calm them down in that state). I have not responded because she was fighting with her parents and not directly with me or DH. But I can't help but feel that our silence is being misconstrued. Is it our place to say anything? Or should we not get involved?