Advice/Difficult Person

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Advice/Difficult Person
8
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 2:21pm

Do any of you have any extremely difficult people in your family?  To the point where, any tiny thing you ask of them is met with resistance? 

Basically, I wanted to get this persons children together with some other children in the family for a group Fall picture, then frame it, and give it to someone special (in both our lives) as a Xmas gift this year.  Mind you, there was already going to be a family gathering taking place, all I asked was to sneak them away for maybe an hour, tops.  The last time I did anything even remotely close to this way probably about four years ago so, it's not like I make a habit out of it.  I'm so exhausted from the entire exchange.  I swear, I don't think this person has ever said "Sure!" to anything I've ever asked, and that's all I've ever done when they've asked me for anything (the list would be a long one).

Sorry to vent, I'm just so disappointed.  I would really love to know how you guys handle these kinds of situations.  This person has already given me three different excuses as to why this may not be possible and it's a week out.  Mind you, there is NO reason why they should be fearful that they would be in my care for an hour - as a matter of fact, I was asked to watch their youngest not even a week ago(and I said "Sure!").

Yes, I'm angry, but I know that there are people in existence who would take the resistance in stride and move on with no grudges or ill will . . . I am not one of those people, but very much want to be . . . help!

 

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 1:49pm

Thanks, Mel. I appreciate your feedback. I try not to come here and vent about personal things (as it doesn't really pertain to the boards purpose) but somehow seeing it in writing validates my feelings - even if I get no responses, LOL. It's kind of like; okay, that happened, and I was feeling this way about it, now let's turn to the next chapter ;] If I don't get it out, it plays over and over in my head like a movie marathon so, I do really appreciate your taking the time to read and I'm sorry your brother is an a**. I guess we all have a couple of those, unfortunately. It's like, oooh, that family is way too jovial and easy going, let's toss in a couple of a-holes to make things more interesting ;]

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 8:19am

Hi cfk,

I'm glad you're adopting that attitude.  I find that with people who rub us the wrong way and/or treat us unfairly in some way they tend to really get to you.......unfortunately sometimes the best way to deal with it is to acknowledge that this person is just "like that" and move on with your life.  Sounds like you're doing the same.......

I have some difficult people in my life, particularly my brother whose lifestyle is totally different (has his own company, travels extensively, owns an expensive home), yet he throws stones at me for how I live (my dad financed his business but won't help me at all financially).  For some reason he has a lot of animosity - recently he went to another family member saying that he needed help.  I heard about it - the old me would have been really concerned about him, asking what I could do to help, etc. but in this case I am just putting on blinders and focusing on nurturing the success I've obtained in my own life over the last year.  Long story, but he has been downright mean to me on many occasions over the last few years and I've had enough.

Just an aside.......lol.......but it sounds to me that you are adopting the right attitude.  I can tell you are a great person - unfortunately not everyone in the world also adopts this attitude.

Good luck :smileyhappy:

Mel

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 2:30pm
This person lives very, very comfortably just like your SIL and she has a wonderful, supportive, caring family behind her. Thankfully, I've gotten all of the venom out of my system (thanks y'all, LOL) and feel much better today. I've just decided, if she wants to behave like an old ornery mule, and be miserable, great. I won't be asking for any more favors, no matter how small they may be . . . and I highly doubt I'll be doing any for her in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 10:01am

Yes, it's my SIL.  I was so naive for so many years but when I moved out of town to take a job and was away from her for a bit those issues became very apparent.  One of my favorites was when I was coming for Thanksgiving to ask my brother what their plans were.  Word got back to me via my sister (that's another story) that the SIL wasn't going to cook a turkey for us.  No one was asking her to.  With them sometimes we would go over for dessert if that worked or for me I would see them another day over the long weekend.

Anyway there were several more things I finally called her something ridiculous she got angry and we pretty much don't have a relationship any more.  BTW other family members, cousins etc started noticing more and more of the bad behavior and attribute it to jealousy.  Now mind you this woman came from nothing, got married at 20 and really has a decent life so why she's jealous I'll never know.

My one theory is that when she got married, had kids, bought a house, built a new home I wasn't doing much of anything.  When I moved away and had more of a life and did it on my own it started to bug her.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 6:10pm

Avoidance is kind of where I'm at right now and I think that's incredibly sad. On my drive home, I was wondering if maybe I'm playing the victim role or the martyr. I don't feel that way. I feel as though my feelings are warranted.  I can't stress, enough, the things I've done for this girl.  The constant resistance to every single solitary suggestion I make is really wearing on me. To the point where, if this doesn't happen next weekend, I'm considering being "sick" on Thanksgiving and not to be a brat, either but because I don't "fake it" very well in person. Over the phone or via text, sure, but face to face, forget it.

The odd thing is, I was also thinking on my way home today, I used to be the kind of person who would let this kind of thing roll right off my back. Even when it concerned this very person. I'm thinking, has she become more difficult, or have I become intolerant?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 5:25pm
I work with someone like that (for 12 years now). She shoots everything down, but by golly we had better be on board with her ideas! My next youngest sister thinks everything I do and every idea I have is stupid. She has no problem guilting me into doing things for her, though. I tend to just avoid both of them as much as possible.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 3:19pm
It's been my history, that I've gotten angry, promised myself that I would never do another favor for her again, and will then forget all about it (going on to do more favors). I thought about saying "forget it" but I think the opportunity has passed. We've already bounced a couple of emails back and forth. I am just wondering if she takes pleasure in shooting me down. Sometimes it feels that way, because nothing else makes any sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 2:43pm

I don't really have any difficult people like that in my family.  I wonder what would happen if you just said "never mind, I'll just have the other kids in the picture."  I have a feeling that if this person just wants to be difficult, that will surprise him/her so much that he'll turn around & be upset that his kids aren't in the picture and be begging you to take them--I think difficult people are like that.  Oh and next time they want you to watch the kids, then maybe you'll have to be difficult and say no.