I'm an idiot...
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|Fri, 10-12-2012 - 2:24pm|
I know, I know, this is not good. And I know why I am doing it; I just need to get it out and tell somebody. I crave the attention I think, and I am not getting enough from H and AP. I say it this way, because I have had it pointed out by someone who knows the situations that I am in.
I have been talking to an old male friend from years, and I mean, years ago. The conversations have increasingly gotten more personal, and I feel as though we are falling into an EA. I think he wants physical contact, but I can't juggle or handle the 2 men in my life already nor do I want to complicate my life more. Add to that, more than one guy...I think whore, which I am certainly not and don't want to feel like. I like him, and I am doing my best not to lead him on, but the conversations have been good, and I am able to talk about H and AP all I want. He says he doesn't mind, and he has talked about personal issues in his life and marriage. I like the conversations that we have, and the attentiveness that he gives me. He makes me feel beautiful in a way that AP does not. AP wants me, but he wants me when he wants me. This guy talks to me everyday, and he is just too sweet. If I didn't have AP, or the feelings that I do, then I would have jumped all over this guy. lol
Part of me says to run away, far, far away. Another part of me enjoys our talks, and I don't want to give them up.
Lord help me!!!!