Healing

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Healing
18
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 7:04pm
I was reading the healing library in the ending support. It helps keep things in perspective. There are things over there that I need to do now, like obsessing and fishing. Yup, I'm a fisherwoman. I did it today. I wanted ap's attention, especially since I texted him yesterday, and he never responded. It didn't end well. My impatience made me snippy and he did as I asked, " go back to being busy". Yup, my fishing attempt made me feel unwanted and rejected the entire rest of my day. I keep saying that I will not contact him first. Yea, btdt. But I can't let someone who has no regard for me and my feelings to ruin my day. If he really cared, he would have asked me what was wrong or talked to me. But he didn't, he disappeared, taking his damn crumbs. And I was left feeling like I did something wrong; I didn't. So, I am not going to let his blatant disregard for me shape my day or life. His validation is not necessary.
I doubt I will hear from him over the weekend. Thankfully I have lots to do and refuse to wallow. Life goes on with or without ap. I have a family who loves me and wants to be with me. I will appreciate them and all they do.
Thank you for letting me get that out and listening... If you made it this far. Lol

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 7:54pm
So, I put on my big girl panties, got me a big Mac and some greasy salty fries. Then I blared my music and sang with my son. Stopped at the store for a caramello and flirted with a guy in line. Who says my day has to be terrible?!?!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 10:09pm

I hope you don't mind my commenting on your post, but the "if he cared about me" reminded me of where I was a ways back in my A, and is something I've had to deal with all over again postA.  Be careful with If statements.  They do nothing but make you feel awful.  He does care about you, in his own way.  It may not be how you want or when you want.  It doesn't seem like what he's giving you is enough, and if you're hiding your true feelings from him, there are going to be many more downs than ups.  And you have choices, even when you feel you don't.  I'm not sure I'm putting into words very well, but for me, doing the "if he cared" thing allowed me to not make the choices I needed to at times, and made me fight harder for his attention.  It's kind of giving your own power away.

My mom always says the big girl panties things, lol.  I hope you're having a better night.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 11:39pm
Create ~ I wish I was so sure he cared. He only cares when he wants to get laid. I hide my feelings from him even when he fishes. I can't cross that line and get hurt by him again. Yet, I never know his true feelings. He either doesn't have them or he is great at masking them. I hate the "I don't knows", but I enjoy being with him and the sex is amazing. But we've been down the path of too close, and this time the closeness is different. I am trying this differently, and seeing if I can do it, but it's awfully hard.
At the same time, I am trying to keep my power. But this is foreign to me. I can't do anything without emotion, as the tears are starting to flow. Lol. I'm now fighting with myself. His actions said so much this past weekend, but barely any words all week, and I stayed cool, left it light. Today I just couldnt do it.
I'm sorry that I am babbling, but it eats me up sometimes.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 3:03pm
Hiding your feelings is simply not natural.


Pleases, that is another great piece of advice for the newbies thread!  It's so true.  You can try to reason your feelings away, but they usually end up popping back up and biting you in the butt later.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 3:33pm

I agree! Except I prefer biting..

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 3:51pm
Itstime ~ we do keep things as real as possible. And no romantacizing the situation. We have the best sex, and that's what it is. The first 2 years, he would be so shady about gf's. Like, I'm married! He is allowed to have.a life. He is also a "player", single guy, his own place. I stated the obvious from the get go again, I don't care as long as I get mine. We mention it. We have a very light relationship. We don't complain and it's a lot of jokes and playfulness. It's our personalities. Don't get me wrong, if I have an issue or something, I have said it and it gets remedied.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 3:58pm
Pleases ~ what if it goes both ways? What if we are treating each other like an object? Then is it fair? What if I truly don't like him, but the sex is amazing? It is a pa. We discussed it from the get go.
I get bothered when I contact him and get nothing back. then something bad happens and I get upset. And I over analyze and it gets worse.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 6:38pm
I admit that I have feelings; I never deny it. We've been down the emotional route. I opt not to let them interfere with the main objective, sexual satisfaction.. Hence why I am here. I need support, and I need to vent. This isn't easy for me. He gives me what I want sexually. That is the void in my m. Something h and I work on constantly. Different work schedules don't help.
I was looking for attention, which was heavy from the get go. I hadnt heard back from him from the day before, and I was impatient. No, it was not sexual and I did not feel rejected sexually. That he never makes me feel. He makes me feel wanted and beautiful. I know I have self esteem issues that stem from childhood. I have had therapy and consider more. That is my story.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Sun, 10-14-2012 - 9:39pm
Yes, it is very difficult to compartmentalize. I struggle with it. He obviously can and does.
I struggle with it being worth it and worth me. Do I really want the ups and downs that drive me nuts? I want to be sexually satisfied and that I know he does.
No, he is not seeking as much attention. It is certainly frustrating. Hence why the feelings aren't brought to the table. I keep them out of the way as much as possible.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Mon, 10-15-2012 - 10:23am

pleases ~ I struggle with it daily.  Do I continue this with ap or do I simply move on?  After 6 years, the feelings are there, and they are strong.  Thankfully, I am quite busy, being the time of year, and he will have to wait to see me.  For this, I am grateful.  It will give me some time to think about things and where I want this to go.  If someone is not meeting your needs, you either look elsewhere or just give it all up.  It is difficult, but a choice I need to make.

I have posted that I began talking to a man who I met many, many years ago.  For now, since it is still early, he is saying all that I need to hear and giving me what I need emotionally.  Whether or not this goes further, is yet to be seen.

 

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