Rejected when I wasn't even interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2012
Rejected when I wasn't even interested?
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 7:27pm

I need to understand something that has not happened just once.  This afternoon, a friend emailed me and said that he appreciates my friendship, and he is sorry that he always blows me off... but that he is not interested in being in a relationship with me.  There goes my happy feelings from a good day! 

The problem is that I am not even interested in him AT ALL.  I was being rejected for no reason. The worst part is that this is not the first time this has happened!  I have had guys say to me they aren't interested  more than a few times when I was not even interested in them!  I am absolutely horrified that I was and have been more than once rejected for no reason.  I tell them, "Uh, ok, cool, because I wasn't even interested." 

I have zero idea why anyone, especially my friend, would pre-reject me!  What is so inherently wrong with ME that guys feel it necessary to say they aren't interested when I never eluded to being interested?  I feel like a complete leper!  The worst part is that my friend doesn't have relationship experience and not full of himself at all, and HE is rejecting ME?   I feel that I can say that I am a pretty attractive and smart woman, so I don't understand what is so wrong with me that not only am I being rejected but I am being rejected by losers that I have no interest in.

What is going on?  Has this happened to anyone else?  I mean, I could understand MAYBE once in a lifetime this could MAYBE happen, but this has happened before.  I seriously feel like I am in the Twilight Zone, and I am in a dimension of backwards land.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 10:15am

I think this has happened to me but usually when I ask someone out.  It could even be a friend that say I was inviting to a party or an event with friends - not necessarily a one on one date.

I think though that the world has changed and where at one time guys might want to be friends I'm seeing that's no longer the case.  Maybe it's too many options for dates or to meet other women (meetups) but I've definintely noticed a change over the last 3- 4 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Sat, 10-13-2012 - 1:27pm

When you are friends with someone, you are comfortable with them and open up, laugh, tease, talk about sex, etc.. He may have been interpreting those as subtle flirting signs instead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
Sat, 10-20-2012 - 6:06pm

Perhaps you're behaving in a way that makes them think you're looking for more than just friendship...  they really like you as a friend so they get scared to end up in an awkward situation...