Two Year Affair and More

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Two Year Affair and More
Fri, 10-12-2012 - 10:32pm

I caught my husband about 21/2 months ago in an affair.  It happened the morning after he had some surgury and his FB (that's what I call her) send text messages that I saw.  He admitted that it had been going on for 2 years.  He is her boss and the affair took place in his office mostly.  I was crushed, heartbroken, and much more.  The weird thing was, I didn't get angry, only extremely sad and I cry all the time!!!!  I continued to take care of him while sick, talked this out, and he committed to make our marriage work and that is what he wanted.  We just had our 34th wedding anniversary.  I thought we had a perfect marriage minus sex in the past two years.  We also have 3 beautiful children.

I have tried to make him happy both sexually and in the things he says bothers him.  I have tried to be a better wife.  We have alwas shared in household responsibilities since we both work.  I do work a lot harder and more hours than him though.  I don't gave time for fun stuff but what time I have, I always try to do things with him. He golfs at least once a week. I have been taking him on wonderful trips when I have a meetings for an organization I am on a board for -  such as Denver, Seattle, Hawaii.  He said he resents that he feels he has to go.  All the excuses were stupid and not a reason for an affair.  The true reason is I have gained a lot of weight the past 8 years.  I took care of my mom for 8 months at our house with the help of Hospice and she died in our home.  My dad only lasted 8 more months as theirs was truely a love story and he missed her.  My parents were extrememly important to me, my husband, and the kids.  We were alll heart broken.  After that, I went into depression but no one saw it.  I didn't care and let my weight go.

Since I found out about his affair, I have lost 40 lbs (lots more to go) in 2 months.  He announced he was resigning his job.... that was one of the conditions if we stayed together as she would not leave and so it had to be him.  We just gave up over $83.000 with that job.  Anyhow, his last week of work, she told him to go home and tell me he doesn't love me and that he is moving out or she will tell all..............  He came home and instead, told all, not that he didn't love me or was moving out.  He told me the affair continued after he went back to work and had been going on for the 2 months I though we were working things out.  It started because when he went back to work after surgury, she was really mad and he was trying to keep peace as she was threatening a lawsuit with him or the organization.  He then got into the affair again.  He said the sad thing was that that week, he realized he really did want to work it out and that he does love me.

I kicked him out for a few days.  All of our children now know.    Ages 16, 28, 31.  My son is getting married in December and told his dad he is not invited to the wedding.  I know he will heal when I heal but I am having so much trouble.  I let him come home but still, he didn't do one nice thoughtful thing for me.  I finally had it and wrote him a 4 page letter.  It summarized up the past 21/2 months and my thoughts and hurts.  I then told him I was not longer sure I want this relationship anymore. He wrote back that my letter was an amazing letter from an amazing person.  He wrote me back a letter telling me how hard he was going to try. He finally realized he was loosing me.

He has tried but I am having trouble forgetting what he did, not once but twice.  He is being loving, sends me texts, planning a weekend at the beach but I don't know if I believe all of what he is says about loving me or anything else for that matter.I tell him I think it is because he has lost everything, his job, the kids, me, etc. and he is using me to get it all back.  

Any advise?

Hurting really bad still!!!!